elfs: (Default)
See, when you know about other religions, you can get this joke.

Five Catholic women are sitting at a cafe'. The first one says, "My son is a priest. When he enters a room, the men all say, 'Oh, Father.'"

The second one says, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, the men all say, 'Your Grace.'"

The third one says, "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room, the men all bow politely and say, 'Your Eminence.'"

The fourth one, who is rather old, says, "My son in the Pope. When he enters a room, the men all get down on one knee and gasp, 'Your Holiness!'"

After a moment, they all look at the fifth woman, who has been very quiet this whole time. Finally, she says, "My daughter is a young, blonde, willowy beauty with large breasts. When she walks into a room, the men all get down on both knees and cry out, 'Oh, God!'"
elfs: (Default)
Yesterday, the whole family went out to eat with a whole bunch of friends, and one of the odd bits of conversation came around to the advantages of ziplock bags versus plastic containers.

"Yeah," one guy at table said. "Those ziplock bags are really hard to get open, especially from the inside."

"Personal experience?" someone else asked.

"Not really," he said.

"Yeah," I chimed in. "He was a researcher for Blanche Knott's last book."
elfs: (Default)
Work bought lunch yesterday. It was okay, in that way that work-bought lunches are frequently only "okay." You'll know who catered because I was reminded of this joke: A man and a woman meet at a party. She says, "What do you do?"

He says, "I work with the kernel all day."

What he meant: "I am a programming God."

What she heard: "I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken."
elfs: (Default)
The nice thing about World of Warcraft and such is that it lets you recycle jokes that would in any other context be offensive.

I picked up something in Kouryou-chan's bedroom, I don't even remember what, some article of clothing that she'd stuffed under her bed for far too long. "Eww, kid," I said, sniffing it. "This smells like something you'd find between a dragon's toes!"

"Daddy! That's gross."

"You know what you find between a dragon's toes?"

"What?"

"Slow elves."

"Daddy!"

And now I'll wait for someone from I Nórë to say, "That's not funny."

Ewww.

Jan. 20th, 2007 11:04 am
elfs: (Default)
Me, reading the news: "The next big thing: the digital skinjob."

[livejournal.com profile] fallenpegasus: "Is that like a digital handjob? I guess all handjobs are digital, aren't they?"

Badum-bump!

Nov. 8th, 2006 09:21 pm
elfs: (Default)
My usenet sig from a few years ago:
As he lay dozing peacefully beside me, I tried to reassure myself. I said, "Come on, you're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient." Then, another small voice said, "But, Rebecca, you're a veterinarian."

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Elf Sternberg

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