Military fails in its duty to suppress masturbation.

[elfs]

If you are a member of the military, don't masturbate. In 1996, Congress declared a War on Masturbation among military personnel, declaring that masturbation was contrary to "Military Honor and Decency." Apparently, one of the anti-porn crusaders who worked for Reagan is upset that the pentagon is not working hard enough on this problem.. Maybe the pentagon should train some dogs to sniff out the culprits. How would you train a dog to sniff out semen stains?

At 18 you're old enough to go and die for your country, but both alcohol and girlie magazines are more than you're ready for.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I am waiting for Tom Lehrer on this...

[jordan179.livejournal.com]

In 1996, Congress declared a War on Masturbation among military personnel, declaring that masturbation was contrary to "Military Honor and Decency.

LOL!!!

Did whatever idiot thought this up actually know anything about soliders? One wonders how this went down the chain of command, and how much sniggering there was on the way ...

How would you train a dog to sniff out semen stains?

Pretty easily. Semen's one of the things they naturally smell for when assessing the age, health and sexual status of people.

I really hope that this policy was never actually implemented in any serious way, because its consequences would have been very bad. Masturbation relieves tension, and sexually-tense soldiers are not ones you want to send amongst a civilian population, for the obvious reason (preventing rape) and some non-obvious ones (not only are they more likely to rape, they are also more likely to murder, and to fight amongst themselves).

Frack Yellow Ribbons

[intrepid-reason.livejournal.com]

What boggles my mind is that we'll essentially tell these people that they are good canon fodder, heck we'll even let them vote, but they can't wash the bad taste out of their mouth, or dull the nightmares of their combat experience (not that this is a method I am suggesting). Above and beyond that, at a time when their hormones are highest, they want to take away one of the few stress relievers at hand (*pun intended*).
Out-fracking-ragious!

[(Anonymous)]

Plus if they stop that they will not only cause problems for cibilians but increase the risk of soldiers messing about with each other and cause enforcement problems.

Besides, sniffer dogs aren't practical. There are other reasons for semen, wet dreams for example and often enough just being aroused.

[woggie.livejournal.com]

Actually, the title should read: Military Fails To Suppress Religious Stupidity, but I suspect yours will have to be close enough. :)

[wyrdone.livejournal.com]

Somehow I bet this guy's car will get covered in semen by the end of the day.

[mothball-07.livejournal.com]

At moments like this, I just try to remember that anyone who would put the effort out to pass such resolutions, much less monitor them, is far unhappier than those of us who think it's stupid.

[Doing my part to relieve military stress.]

[areitu.livejournal.com]

Dogs probably hone in a lot better on uncircumcised boys like me. Besides, it technically isn't masturbation if your bunk buddy does it for you, right?

I guess this is just one of those things they spend money on so their budget allotment doesn't get cut next year.

[mundens.livejournal.com]

I remember being told, when in the military, that we weren't allowed to have sex or sleep in the bunks of our colleagues, and we definitely weren't allowed more than one person on a bunk at a time.

Then they asked for questions and someone asked the obvious one. What would actually be considered a breach of regulations, coz, like, three or four people would sit on a bunk when watching TV or just relaxing normally and there wasn't enough room for chairs.

So after our superiors, who obviously weren't used to having to deal with such questions, consulted for a while, we were finally told that it wouldn't be considered a breach of regulations as long as everyone involved had at least one foot on the floor.

It became a running joke after that, what ever we did, all would be OK, as long as we all kept one foot on the floor! I'm sure you can imagine the fun we had with that one! :)

It became our unit's equivalent to saying "be careful" : "OK, off you go guys, and remember to keep one foot on the floor!"

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Laugh! That was the old Hollywood rule in the 1950s: it was okay to show a couple sitting on a bed so long as each had at least one foot on the floor. It's such a joke now that one of the many erotica websites that keep sending me "write something for us!" newsletters has as its theme this quarter "One foot on the floor."

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Masturbation not the issue

[(Anonymous)]

The page you linked to, and the article it linked to in turn, do not refer to masturbation, only to the sale of pornography in military exchange shops.

I was in the military, and I do not remember (nor can I find today) any military laws against private, solo masturbation. The Uniform Code of Military Justice does not prohibit it.

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