Military fails in its duty to suppress masturbation.

[elfs]

If you are a member of the military, don't masturbate. In 1996, Congress declared a War on Masturbation among military personnel, declaring that masturbation was contrary to "Military Honor and Decency." Apparently, one of the anti-porn crusaders who worked for Reagan is upset that the pentagon is not working hard enough on this problem.. Maybe the pentagon should train some dogs to sniff out the culprits. How would you train a dog to sniff out semen stains?

At 18 you're old enough to go and die for your country, but both alcohol and girlie magazines are more than you're ready for.