Military fails in its duty to suppress masturbation.

[elfs]

If you are a member of the military, don't masturbate. In 1996, Congress declared a War on Masturbation among military personnel, declaring that masturbation was contrary to "Military Honor and Decency." Apparently, one of the anti-porn crusaders who worked for Reagan is upset that the pentagon is not working hard enough on this problem.. Maybe the pentagon should train some dogs to sniff out the culprits. How would you train a dog to sniff out semen stains?

At 18 you're old enough to go and die for your country, but both alcohol and girlie magazines are more than you're ready for.

Comments

[jordan179.livejournal.com]

In 1996, Congress declared a War on Masturbation among military personnel, declaring that masturbation was contrary to "Military Honor and Decency.

LOL!!!

Did whatever idiot thought this up actually know anything about soliders? One wonders how this went down the chain of command, and how much sniggering there was on the way ...

How would you train a dog to sniff out semen stains?

Pretty easily. Semen's one of the things they naturally smell for when assessing the age, health and sexual status of people.

I really hope that this policy was never actually implemented in any serious way, because its consequences would have been very bad. Masturbation relieves tension, and sexually-tense soldiers are not ones you want to send amongst a civilian population, for the obvious reason (preventing rape) and some non-obvious ones (not only are they more likely to rape, they are also more likely to murder, and to fight amongst themselves).