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For those of you unfamiliar with it, J-Lube is a substance available mostly to veterinarians who use it to assist in the birth of calves.

One of the forms in which it comes is basically bouillion cubes: a very dense substance that you dilute with water, whereupon it turns into an insanely slick lubricant useful for getting one's gloved hands into large animals. It's better than any lubricant on the shelves. This makes it popular with kinky people.

It occurred to me that, since you dilute it to make it more slippery, then if you continue to dilute it, according to homeopathy, eventually the entirety of the oceans will be nothing but lubricant.

If homeopathy is true, we are all doomed to one final, crevice-invading sex orgy, and then the world will be washed away in a tide of lube.
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Remember the concept of "time porn?" This was the premise of TV shows like Cheers, Seinfeld, and Friends: shows where the 22 or 42 minutes of broadcast implied that these people had plenty of spare time, and could spend a lot of it "just hanging out." In short, these are people who have what we don't: free time. We watch those shows to enjoy vicariously what we can't have, hence the label "time porn."

I propose that the next great wave of literature will involve "deep thought porn." We'll be titillated by the idea that the protagonist (there will be only one or, at most, a few) are the sort of people who can think deep thoughts, who aren't constantly distracted by the buzzing of their mobile phones, the constant hum and whir of their friends lists, the incessant demands of their email clients. We will read those books in which we enjoy vicariously that specific pleasure we no longer can have for ourselves: the ability to think in peace, free from the anxiety of continous partial attention.

Because it will have to communicate its message to a distracted audience, though, it'll obviously be flash fiction.
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I usually carry a Sharpie Mini in my book bag. Now I can't find it, but I have in my desk drawer three full-size black Sharpies, including one "Laboratory - Super Permanent" model.

I think my Minis have grown up and started breeding.

(You know what blows my mind? That website. There is absolutely nothing on the front page to tell you in clear English that the Sharpie is a brand of pen. In fact, the header would lead you to believe that Sharpie sells shoes, not art supplies.)
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Dear Miss Kinky Manners,

A lifetime of time, age, and maturity (those are not all the same thing, nor ought they to be regarded as even related) have taught most men that elevator eyes, the annoying and almost uncontrollable instinct some men have to look at a woman's breasts before meeting her eyes, is rude. However, let's say I know a M2F transsexual who has started to be, shall we say, quite visibily successful in her development as a young woman.

Is it still rude? Is it affirming? Is it rude but underneath it all she's secretly gleeful that you noticed? Is it affirming but underneath it all she knows she ought to be annoyed because it's rude, dammit?

 —Warm and bothered, Seattle, WA.
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I was writing a sex scene this morning and I wanted to describe my character's ardour as 'resurgent' before realizing that that didn't make sense. It was, after all, the first time he was having this experience. So now I'm left wondering: if you can be resurgent, can you resurge? Can you be surgent? What about insurgent? Is it possible to insurge somewhere?
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I'm so happy to find someone else who agrees with me: Those Eyes! Those Eyes!

If you don't have kids, that won't make much sense, but trust me. The art on the PBS show "Go, Diego, Go" is some of the flattest, creepiest Flash animation ever to grace the television screen. When Diego stares out of the screen at you, it's just creepy.
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A geek is someone who, while looking at photos of Chloe Vevrier, zooms in on her face, finds no index of refraction in her spectacles and mutters, "Damn. It's just a prop..."
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Obamacons!
This only took a few minutes, and it's been in my head all day. It had to be put down on paper. Click the link for a bigger one.
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Ten things that should never receive a steampunk makeover:
  • Starbucks
  • The Newton
  • Cats
  • Yogurt
  • Dan Rather
  • The fleshlight
  • Punk rock
  • Firefox
  • "Puttin' on the Ritz"
  • California
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Slate Magazine has conducted a remote Myers-Briggs test of the candidates and given them labels: Hillary is a "Guardian," Obama an "Idealist," and McCain is an "Artisan."

Ah, but what if you give them the Myers-Briggs test for Mad Scientists?

Kinda long, but way more accurate than Slate's version! )

My Gods, it's all true.

Arrr!

Sep. 19th, 2006 05:43 am
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My pirate name is:
Mad Tom Bonney
Every buccaneer is a little bit crazy. Ye, though, are more than just a little bit. Ye can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full o' certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network
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Animations go behind cuts. )

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Elf Sternberg

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