Metric Thoughts

[elfs]

Once upon a time, I was enamored of the notion of the millihelen. As the Uncyclopedia puts it: The measurement of this quantity is based on one simple postulate: If one Helen is enough beauty to launch a thousand ships, the milliHelen (mH) is defined as the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.

Okay, I think that's clear enough.

Your task, should you decide to accept it, is to come up with a definition for the word milligoatse.

(P.S.: If you don't know what a goatse is, please don't google for it. Really. NSFW, you'll probably want to bleach your brain, that kind of "don't.")

Comments

[lionman.livejournal.com]

That unit of measure, milligoatse, was previously used in this discussion:

http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/02/04/1649211

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Woah. A word with a single hit on Google. Cool!

[tehrasha.livejournal.com]

Wanting to make Goatse (G) in to a unit of measure, and derive what a 'milligoatse' (mG) is from it, also implys that somewhere out there, there may be a need for a value of megagoatse (MG). And I dont think I could get my mind around such a concept.

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Being that it's slashdot, it seems like a pointless discussion with nothing clearly determined.

Thus, I have decided that a milligoatse is a measurement of time: Where a "goatse" is the amount of time between your first exposure (pardon the term) to the goatse image and when you finally get it off your screen. more pertanent measures may be the mega-goatse used to determing the amount of time wasted in your life - figuring that a quater of a mega-goatse is about an hour...

[dougs.livejournal.com]

A measure of how much something -- ummm -- stretches the bounds of what's safe for work. So that, for example, a spam subject line of "Mind blowing results" visible in a colleague's inbox might be just one milligoatse -- whereas some other subject lines might be fifty or sixty milligoatses.

[sirfox.livejournal.com]

MilliGoatse - 1 mGs is the equivalent amount of "pain in the ass" that causes one to take notice of it. This measurement, while somewhat arbitrary, can serve as a relative scale, with its base unit being the cutoff at which "An incomprehensible pain in the ass" should be justifiably applied.

Trying in vain to find one's keys - 1mGs

Getting a toddler AND carseat strapped in properly - 10mGs

Standing in a parking lot cleaning up what they just spilled on themselves, the carseat, and the floor - 100mGs

Accidentally locking your keys, cellphone and toddler inside the car, and attempting to play charades through the window to get the little bugger to unlock himself like he's done ten times before, and then unlock the door, which he's done dozens of times, and realizing that he's having far too much fun staying in his seat and watching the faces you're making... - 1Gs

[fallenpegasus]

Not necessarily. Handling magnitism and electric charge are no big deal, but the units of the same, the Tesla and the Couloumb are so gigantically huge that they only show up in extreme physics environments here on Earth, and megatesla and megacouloumbs are on the scale that they only show up in places like neutron stars.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

So you're saying that in order to be a megagoatse, we'd have a situation that would really, really have to suck?

[tehrasha.livejournal.com]

Something like a blackhole, I guess.

How about conversions?

[danlyke.livejournal.com]

At some point we're going to want Google to implement this in their units converter, so we need to define a few things. Like how many milligoatses in a centitubgirl?

[mothball-07.livejournal.com]

I find the application of Goatse units to toddler-situations a likely candidate for a megaGoatse

Re: How about conversions?

[tehrasha.livejournal.com]

Both terms would be measures of volume, but the difference may only be a matter of symantics. A pessimist would see a given volume as half empty, measured in goatse, while the optimist... [mental horror redacted]

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Re: How about conversions?

[caprine.livejournal.com]

Permission to post that comment to metaquotes?

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

I think there are probably minimum threshold values for centitubgirl and milligoatse, given that both of these are WRONG and just like radiation, the long term effects of low level doses are unknown.

I do have an idea for a calibration mechanism available worldwide. Free to air Christian televangelism.

[mithras.livejournal.com]

People have been killed for better jokes than that.

[spooktress.livejournal.com]

*nearly dies laughing*

[bbw-seska.livejournal.com]

Hmm, interesting question.
Now, I can't resist looking up what a goatse is anyway (you just can't post that and then let people hanging with a "dont look it up!!!". Or well, not me, lol. To curious by nature probably
So I looked it up and I think I'm a weirdo, okay, a good view is something else, but it isn't like I'll sleep less now.
Am I disturbed for not finding the images that shocking?

Therapist, where are thee?

Re: How about conversions?

[danlyke.livejournal.com]

You're welcome to, but tehrasha's reply (http://elfs.livejournal.com/646685.html?thread=3232541#t3232541) is what makes it... I had a mouth full of salad when I read that and... well... yeah, it could have been worse.

[dr-memory.livejournal.com]

The wikipedia entry on goatse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse) is actually text-only and worksafe.

[(Anonymous)]

On linking this article to a friend, he responded with this suggestion:

Um...opening enough space to dock one ship?