Annoying Male Interactions

[elfs]

I was very disappointed by the "Gender Lines" panel, mostly because one of the writers claimed that he could tell when a woman was writing a sex scene under a male pseudonym because, as he put it, "the man was thinking too much." He claimed that in a sex scene written by a man, the man thinks of only two things: "Damn, she's got a nice <insert body part here>" and "Damn, I'm doing pretty well here."

I guess that disappointed me because, during sex, I'm thinking all the time. Sometimes it is admiration for my lover, sometimes it is concern that I'm not doing well enough, but oftentimes it is contemplation of what it all means, the why, the how, the expected outcome: where will we stand with each other when this is all over?

Am I just wired weirdly? Goddess knows I seem have all the requisite mechanics and instincts; my masculinity seems to be intact. But when three men in a row assure me that thinking during lovemaking is a sure sign of femininity, what am I am to make of that?

Comments

[jordan179.livejournal.com]

I guess that disappointed me because, during sex, I'm thinking all the time.

"A dangerous pass-time."

Me too, and I'm male. So no, you're not alone here.

[hydrolagus.livejournal.com]

Under that writer's standards, a "masculine" sex scene would be both short and uninteresting to write, read, or experience. Particularly since, when I recounted your story to my male roommates, one of them mentioned that even if his brain is largely taking a breather this time, there's the thought "Wow that feels good," which is notably missing from that guy's description.

[panthyrr.livejournal.com]

If you're wired weirdly, then so am I. I'm female, and my brain mostly shuts down during sex. ;)

[solarbird]

Remember that XKCD about making out and the Fibonacci sequence?

[zonereyrie.livejournal.com]

Am I just wired weirdly?

*looks at humanity in general*

Uh... yes? Not that that's a bad thing, you understand. ;-)

I'm wired weirdly too. During sex there is definitely a part of my brain that gets all scientific. "What is the reaction of the subject if we stimulate this area?" *stimulus* "Ah, excellent. I must make note of that. Now, how about we change the level of tactile pressure?"

Yeah, I think I have some kind of weird mad scientist inner-voice who comes out at times like that. :-)

[mundens.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking all the time. Admittedly, it's usually along the lines of "Shall I keep doing this? Should I speed up / slow down? Is that the right spot? What should I move on to next?" etc, but I am thinking.

About the only time I've ever been able to think of "bigger things" during actual sex (as opposed to various forms of "play") was when my lover was in control and I was lying back (or whatever) and taking it.

Though perhaps the author in question would also consider being passive in sex "feminine"?

SO maybe when they say masculine they mean...

[pandakahn.livejournal.com]

I was intrigued enough to call and ask a few males (gen XY's all.) about what they thought they thought during the sex act (any sex act to be general, but I let them clarify as they felt the need.).

Keeping in mind that several of these individuals are what you would consider Butch, Buff, He-men they all tended to say the same thing.

"When I am active I am thinking about getting my partner there and what it is going to take and what needs to be done."

"When I am passive I am trying not to think, I am focusing on the sensation and pleasure I am receiving."

Hardly science, I know, but i agree with this.

The entire "Damn, she's got a nice " and "Damn, I'm doing pretty well here." may drop through and say hello in passing, but as the only two things men think? Who would buy this? If you wrote from this perspective how would it come across? I tried to use this and think through a journal entry, and then tried it with some of my writing, and then tried it with very badly done porn (see ASSTR if you want to find really bad porn! some great porn, but also truly bad porn.).

Surprise! Surprise! The thought processes of "Damn! Nice !" and "Damn! I am

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I was intrigued enough to call and ask a few males (gen XY's all.) about what they thought they thought during the sex act (any sex act to be general, but I let them clarify as they felt the need.).

Keeping in mind that several of these individuals are what you would consider Butch, Buff, He-men they all tended to say the same thing.

"When I am active I am thinking about getting my partner there and what it is going to take and what needs to be done."

"When I am passive I am trying not to think, I am focusing on the sensation and pleasure I am receiving."

Hardly science, I know, but i agree with this.

The entire "Damn, she's got a nice <insert body part here>" and "Damn, I'm doing pretty well here." may drop through and say hello in passing, but as the only two things men think? Who would buy this? If you wrote from this perspective how would it come across? I tried to use this and think through a journal entry, and then tried it with some of my writing, and then tried it with very badly done porn (see ASSTR if you want to find really bad porn! some great porn, but also truly bad porn.).

Surprise! Surprise! The thought processes of "Damn! Nice <insert body part here>!" and "Damn! I am <insert description of how well the narrator is doing.>!" are what some of the worst writers I find on the net use as an excuse for internal dialog when writing characters that barely qualify as one dimensional.

The idea that sex or gender determines what and how we think and respond to any situation shows a lack of understanding, in my opinion, on the part of that writer. How we respond to sex, or any event, on an internal level is going to be more of a cultural, than sex/gender issue.

I think next year they need to do a much better job of screening their panelists.

MPK

[lovingboth]

That's interesting, whenn I'm active for intercourse, I'm focusing on the sensations too, just as much as when passive.

Is it just me...

[pandakahn.livejournal.com]

Is it just me or does it seem as though some people, in my experience men, try to force an agenda about what being a man is supposed to be? It is almost as if they need to justify their own prejudices and beliefs about masculinity and being male.

The funny/sad part is that I seem to find most men I know and talk to about this agree with us on this issue.

MPK

[nbarnes.livejournal.com]

Apparently all the sex scenes in my work were written by women. It's as much a surprise to me as anybody else, I assure you.

[heofmanynames.livejournal.com]

I blame our systemic myopia regarding thinking - that is, I think we're not all on the same page as to what thinking *is* (I do *not* mean "is" in the Clintonian sense).

In this case, I'm pretty sure that guy doesn't mean what you mean by "thinking" in this context (I suppose he could mean that he has no inner emotional life, but I'd find that hard to believe - and indicative of possible pathology were it so).

That said, for me being conscious and engaged and aware and accountable of myself and my partner (and my partner doing similarly w/ me) is the bulk of what separates sex from sneezing - the remainder is "just" nerve-endings.

I suggest his comments tell us too much about his writing....

[gromm.livejournal.com]

I remember a study about how kids learn that was being broadcast on a TV in my doctor's office. Apparently about 10% of us have brains that work like the opposite gender's.

So there you go. And thus his analysis is wrong or only works 90% of the time.

[ewhac.livejournal.com]

I can't add much beyond what's already been written here -- I think a lot, too. Even when I'm bottoming, I'm still wondering if my partner is enjoying herself. Should I adjust my reactions at all? Am I making too much noise? Not enough noise? Different kind of noise?

[urox.livejournal.com]

I've always asserted that a person does not write to his or her gender. For decades, people have thought my writings were written by someone male when I omitted my gender. Now consider that I'm 32 and what that means to the amount of time I've supposedly been writing like a man.

[slfisher.livejournal.com]

You may or may not be weird. However, I can't imagine seeing a guy more than once who responded the way the guy on the panel describes.