My favorite spam euphemism

[elfs]

As much as I loathe spam, just like the rest of you, from time to time I have to admire their creativity. The number of different ways they've come to euphemise the penis, for example, just has to rank up there the Sokal Hoax or the world-spanning gnomes for entertainment. All the usual ones are there, of course: "rod," "shaft," even "dick" (nowadays mispelled "dik") but there is one that always makes me laugh.

"Dignity."

I mean, come on, isn't that just the best euphemism for penis you've ever read. I can just imagine writing it in a Mad-Lib-like porn story:

"C'mon, babe, suck my dignity," I said. My dignity was as hard as stone and not about to go anywhere. She obliged, making obscene sucking noises as my dignity slipped in and out of her mouth.

I turned her around and slammed my dignity into her waiting body. It was all over in seconds, and my dignity slowly shrank down...

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For true verisimilitude

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

When the salesman calls or texts or emails him, he or she will get his name wrong (as in elfssexi1xxx!!000) and also mention other completely irrelevant products.