Revision 2
Oct. 28th, 2006 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfsI've posted revision 2 of the new site up. There's still more work to be done, but the fixes here are simple. I removed the rendering engine and instead posted static copies of the HTML, minimal HTML, and text versions. I'm not tracking cookies anymore, and this prevents the (ahem) accidental posting of some stories that shouldn't be up yet. I've also fixed some of the HTML-related errors in the documents themselves. I haven't fixed the minimal HTML yet. I did find the bug that was causing stories with ending ellipses in the titles to disappear, so that should be gone as well. And someone sent me some typos in Connected Electricities (including a misspelling of the title-- yikes! Thanks!).
And, as an inducement for you to bang on the site some more, I've posted Connected Responsibilities, the sequel to Connected Electricities. Enjoy it!
[Edit: The links to Connected Electricities ought to be working now. Dammit, the filename and title weren't put through the spell-checker!]
And, as an inducement for you to bang on the site some more, I've posted Connected Responsibilities, the sequel to Connected Electricities. Enjoy it!
[Edit: The links to Connected Electricities ought to be working now. Dammit, the filename and title weren't put through the spell-checker!]
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 07:42 am (UTC)Nice.
Date: 2006-10-29 06:44 am (UTC)Connected Electricities
Date: 2006-10-29 06:54 am (UTC)Re: Connected Electricities
Date: 2006-10-29 07:08 am (UTC)Re: Connected Electricities
Date: 2006-10-29 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 08:11 am (UTC)oh darn *beady little eyes twinkling* I was enjoying those ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 09:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 11:02 am (UTC)(somehow I feel dirty now....think I'm going to leave a pressie where I found that egg)
~E
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 10:21 pm (UTC)~E
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 10:15 am (UTC)That reminds me... a few years ago (29/10/2001 according to my mail archive) I send you a list with some typos, missing words and inconsistencies that I noticed while rereading the Journal Entries as far as they were published then. Not sure if that mail got lost or so as I never got a reply from you.
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The Kittenin' (0068/136):
-------------------------
(Ember had been Dave's favorite for a long time, even before he'd been installed in the castle.) Problem here: Dave is older than Ember, and for Dave there is no "before he'd been installed" ("The Courage Of My Convictions" (0019/222): M'Ress told me just today that the AI will be ready for installation on schedule. I asked her to program the name 'David' into it.)
Starlight, Starbright, First Star I See My Life (0093/181):
-----------------------------------------------------------
(A little shorter than I, Jahn is...) and (... this Uncia, small for his race but still larger than I...) doesn't fit together.
Interesting detail: Given a Pendor to Earth distance of 6.38 light years Pin will be visible from Earth on January 1st, 1984; 0100/001
When did you decide on the date for that story, and when did you decide that the distance Earth to Pendor is exactly 6.38 light years? (first mentioned in the Journal Entries in "Reunion, Part 2")
Terran Sands (0100/019):
------------------------
(there was no sense letting the Terrans) know (that.)
Geographic: The Eternal Answers (0100/171):
-------------------------------------------
In "Flags" (0100/064) Becky already knew a lot more about Pendor than this:
->
She opened her planner and found a blank page in the back. "There's a great secret surrounding Pendor. One concerning the geography itself. Your collection of maps is entirely about Earth; there's not one reference in it to Pendorian maps, cities, towns, or anything like that. In some other documents there's mention of an Arc or a Ring, and a mention of 'the first shadow of night.' That appears so often I don't think it's poetic metaphor. Is Pendor really a world?"
She saw a look of surprise cross Ken's face, followed by a slow smile. "You've been doing your homework. Yes, Pendor is a world. It's at least as big as Earth. And there are some oddities with the geography. We want to keep some of that a secret until we reached Pendor. I'm feeling a flair for the dramatic. I'm sure in the first few days you're there you'll be able to find more than enough to keep yourselves busy for the entire year."
"It's at least as big as Earth," she repeated. "Is it any bigger?"
The grin grew large. "Probably." <-
Geographic: Family Photos (0100/243):
-------------------------------------
("Bawr, don't be too hard him.") "on" is missing
Geographic: The Misanthrope (0100/245):
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(One that lived in an inland ocean had become and extreme example) "an" instead of "and"
("...although lower down you'll me in the immediate reach of the pamthreats.") "be" instead of "me"
("Some people think Dave or Hal was Crete") Dave did not exist during the construction of Pendor. A fact that should be common knowledge. ("The Courage Of My Convictions" (0019/222): M'Ress told me just today that the AI will be ready for installation on schedule. I asked her to program the name 'David' into it.)
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 10:17 am (UTC)-------------------------------------
There are 3 diffrent descriptions of the same event:
-> from "Geographic: Possibilities"
It was most of a perfect, circular shape, a full three-quarters around, with the final quarter the opening to the sea. As she hovered over it, Jack got the impression of crater of sorts, a kilometer on a side.
"What happened here? Did a meteor land here? Or is it the volcano?"
"Neither," Ember said quietly. "A thermonuclear explosion happened here."
Jack looked down, and immediately fumbled for his camera. "Does anyone know why?"
"Yes," Ember said, her voice full of an odd reverence. "This is where the original memory banks for the construction and evolution of Pendor were stored.
<-
And why Jack and not Wolf? AFAIK Jack and Wolf are 2 diffrent persons and this is the only place where Wolf is called Jack.
-> from "Days Before"
"Erase the Zoological Databank. And the geophysical, the geographical, and the meteorological. Call all of the weather stations around the ring sequentially; they're to operate independently until further notice, as they were designed. This world is for other people; they should explore it, and put the data in themselves. They are an AI's environment, not the other way around. Do you copy?"
"It will take a while."
"Do it," I ordered. I sighed and sat back in the chair, waiting for Paul to awaken, waiting for Halloran to tell me he was done. <-
-> from "Reunion, Part 4"
"Do you know where Alexandria is?"
"Yeah. It's one of the Pendorian library repositories, isn't it?"
"One of the main ones, yes. SI administration, solid-state construction, full-leach power sources. Have you ever seen it?"
"It's on Pandora somewhere, isn't it? I saw a picture of it once. It looks like it's in the middle of this huge burned circle."
"That's because it is. On the Day of Decant, Ken lit off a clean fusion nuclear explosive there." <-
Mobility (0114/017):
--------------------
Brione is a _very_ unusual name for a german, and I should know, I live here. (Used to, in 2001 at least, Australia now...)
Healing then Dragon (0119/082):
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("Kitty And The Dragon" 0119/080: but in the arms of someone she had trusted back on Terra, long before there was a Pendor)
("Kitty of the Hall, how old are you?" - "Seventeen," she answered.)
This means she was born in 102; 1986 A.D. over 3 years after Ken left Earth.
(Aaden: "And I am but two.)
("Floating Point" 0113/020: The Mephit Tleiling was in 1987)
1987 -> 103, 16 years ago
Best way to solve both problems would be to move the story (and the other Kitty stories) to late 104 or early 105. This would mean Kitty is borne in 1971. In 1983 (last time she could have seen Ken) she would have been about 12.
("Because with the invention of the SDisk system, Tangent To The Arc of The Ring starship facility was no longer needed.")
("Kitty And The Dragon" 0119/080: "...BackWater, but it's only thirteen years old.")
In "Brieanna, Part 2" (0058/173) and "P'nyssa's Introduction" (0081/031) it looks as if a small scale sdisk system was already widely used. "The invention of the SDisk system" is surely not something that happend in the last thirteen years...
Do you plan to finish the Backwater storyline somewhen?
Greta and The Great Hall (0120/108):
------------------------------------
("You like fine to me." ) "look"...
("Well, what do you about it?" ) "know"...
(Even if it means becoming, oh, a Tellakelvar?") aehm... what is a Tellakelvar ?!? ("Okay, but I'm going to get and and warm up.") "out and"...
Contact Closed With Foreign Host (0571/146):
--------------------------------------------
At first Hailli is a "femFel", but later she is said to be a vulpin. The real problem with this is: Vulpins where first introduced to Pendor in "Decanting Difficulties" (0741/112) over 200 years later.
Rats And Engineers (0916/179):
------------------------------
Saman is written Zaman.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 10:20 am (UTC)------------------------
In "Rats And Engineers" David and Denni ended up in Davids room ("This is where you live?" Denni asked as they walked in. "MyFa, but it's a disaster area.") but in the first paragraph of "Asking Denni" he finds himself in Denni's room (He had awakened up moments ago in a strange bedroom and wondered how he had gotten here.)
It also sounds as if the room is shared by Denni and Patricia (It occurred to him suddenly, did Patricia know? This was her room as well as Dennielle's.) but in "Rats And Engineer" it sounds as if Pat had to turn that room over to Denni ("Pat, you've got the spare room. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to give her the space.")
The dates of "Rats And Engineers" and "Asking Denni" can't be right. From the dates it looks as if "Asking Denni" starts one day after "Rats And Engineers", but in "Asking Denni" its made clear that there is one month between them (I think you're ready, despite my misgivings a month ago when we first hired her.)
Travellogue, Day 5 (0916/187):
------------------------------
("Except the human tourists, and they all get sent to the mockup anyway, just because that way they get kept out of the Shardiks' hair.") Problem here: the "mockup" is presented as something new in "Turing Attraction" (0918/097) over a year later...
Travellogue, Day 6 (0916/188):
------------------------------
Maybe I'm just stupid, but I don't unterstand the sentence "Dave you said you were here." in this context:
->
"Since none of you planned to come into the commons for a drink, we figured we'd bring you some," Michelle interrupted their discussion. "Here," she said, holding out glasses for Shardik and Skii. Furry stood to her left and said, "Dave you said you were here. Take this," holding one for Nickolai. He took it, and drank deep. <-
This paragraph doesn't "feel" right to me:
->
The shadow squares are pretty close to Pendor; I guess Shardik could have built them further away, and bigger, but he didn't. The flashes are the refraction effect at the edge of the rectangles." <-
If the shadow squares are close to Pender moving them further away means getting closer to Pin, in which case they must be smaller, not bigger. And I'm not 100% sure but to get refraction effects the shadow squares would need to be close to Pin, not to Pendor.
This also raises the question: Is Pandora inside or outside the shadow ring?
("You know you how think?" he asked.) should be ("You know how you think?" he asked.)
I don't know if that is on purpose but ("You're welcome to stay in my home for the next six days.") and ("I've invited the two of them to be my guests for the next two weeks, with your permission.") doesn't fit.
Travellogue, Day 7 (0916/189):
------------------------------
Nickolai thinks (...was eleven, and that was four years and some ago...) but in "Travellogue, Day 3" we learn how old Nickolai is ("Sixteen, sir. I'll be seventeen in two months."), so it should be more like five years and some...
Travellogue, Day 9 (0916/191):
------------------------------
Just a question: Who is "Uncle Robert"? I've found a hand full of referencs in The Journal Entries to things that "Uncle Robert" is supposed to have said... but nothing more.
When Ken tells Nickolai and Furry that they must play baby-sitters for the evening he says ("There are only five kids right now, the youngest is two, the eldest is... seven, I think. It's not a big deal.") But when Aaden later introduces them to the kids he says ("Well, here they are. This is N'Fort, Melanie, Tria, Logan, Calli, Traf, and... Traf, where's Calffn?"). That are seven not five names.
("Kolya, this may sound like a dumb question, but would expect... monogamy out of me?") a "you" is missing between would and expect.
Travellogue, Day 11 (0916/193):
-------------------------------
("She knows who I am, and Dave knows the whole story, and he's authorized to walk in anytime she wants and she knows it.") I think the "he's" should be a "she's"... right?
("I saw talking to Skii.") a "you" is missing here...
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 10:24 am (UTC)-------------------------------
("And seeing the way she shot out there," Shardik commented, "That's not something you want.") If this is a reference to the scene at the beach from "Travellogue, Day 9" there is a problem: Only Aaden and Kolya shoted there.
("It the one used by the Pendorian Diplomatic Corp.") "It's", not "It"
Asking Aaden (0916/206):
------------------------
In "Rats And Engineers" we learn that (Tasha had never been much for words or for coffee;) But in "Asking Aaden" it looks diffrent:
->
Tasha leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Well, we're close, David. I'm going to get myself a cup of coffee. You want some?"
"Nah," David replied.
"You should learn to like decaf," Tasha teased him [...]
"Only in my worst nightmares," David muttered, [...]
[...] The mug found its place in a gyrostabilized holder Tasha had built herself [...]
<-
Asking Samuel (0916/213):
-------------------------
("Now then, when I can secure groundside passage for my crew?") "can I" instead of "I can"?
Elizabeth (0917/019):
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Ether a word is missing or a "of the" is too much: (... through the soft frills of the of her dress.)
(... enjoyed testing them with her his fingers.) "her" doesn't belong there.
Proof (0918/115):
-----------------
("FIVE?" - Kiza laughed. "Well, you asked. It was a gangbang, after all. I think there was a Lutra, a Mephit, an Uncia-- or maybe a jock Felinzi, not sure-- and a Vulpin.") Might be on purpose... but this are only four.
(...Furry's hand a lifted it away...) "and" not "a"
Reunion, Part 1 (0918/141):
---------------------------
The date isn't right. In "Travellogue, Day 3" we learn how old Nickolai is ("Sixteen, sir. I'll be seventeen in two months.") And in "Travellogue, Day 12" we learn when he will return to Pendor (You already have travel tickets made out for the day after your eighteenth birthday, ...) Based on the date of "Travellogue, Day 3" (0916/185) and keeping in mind the fact that a pendorian day has 30 instead of 24 hours this should place "Reunion, Part 1" somewhen around 0917/233.
(The hallways of the Off-Centaur were the same muted blue they had been for the past two weeks.) "Memories Breaking" 133 -> "Reunion, Part 1" 141 makes 8 days. -1 because the spacecraft started the next day in "Memories Breaking" makes 7 days, 8.75 if we take into account the diffrence between terran and pendorian days. Thats still not 2 weeks... And why does it take a week or two, when the Earth -> Pendor transit took only 3 days in "Travellogue"?
(He pulled the bewildered Felinzi until...) Garth is a Katckin not a Felinzi. btw... why is it sometimes Katckin and sometimes Katkin?
(Nickolai watched her as all of his feelings, all of his dreams of the past four years flowed through him.) Kolya and Furry know each other for two not four years... or is that on purpose?
Reunion, Part 3 (0918/143):
---------------------------
("It's hard to say the play favorites, Nickolai.") "they" not "the"
("But that was they way things were.") same, only backwards
("I walked the Hall in '120.")
("A city was doomed without enough maintenance people in each category needed, be it sanitation, communication, power, infrastructure..." - "Don't you dare lecture me on what Terra needed back then," Greta exploded. "I was there.
120 is 2004. I don't think it will be that bad in 2004... not even in your alternative earth setting.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 10:26 am (UTC)---------------------------
Just a question: What is all that about:
->
"Since when?" Nickolai said, tousling Skii's headfur.
Skii looked up at Nickolai sharply, a look of realization on his face. "Ohmifah..."
"What?"
"Nothing," Skii said quickly. Too quickly, Garth thought.
"Yeah, Skii, what is it?" Nickolai asked.
"Nothing," Skii said, his voice tinting slightly into frustration. "Really. Maybe I'll tell you later."
"Okay," Nickolai said. "I'll keep it in mind, though." <-
Reunion, Part 12 (0918/164):
---------------------------
We learn, that Piot is supposed to have lived for a thousand years (Piot says that in the thousand years or so that he's been here), we also learn that Piot is a human (The big human in the back with the wrench and all the muscles is Piot.) I don't know when the first pendorian humans where supposedly decanted, but I don't think it was in the first 18 years of pendorian history. That means he must be less then 900 years old.
Reunion, Part 13 (0918/165):
---------------------------
Shouldn't this be erolie?
(He felt strange, as if he were giving a lie to Kiza's telling her parents she was an Entalie', a homosexual.)
Pronouncing the Patient Cured (0918/172):
-----------------------------------------
Ken says to P'nyssa: ("And I can say that after knowing you for over a millennium.") Ken knows P'nyssa since 81. 918-81 -> 837 years, over a hunderd still missing for the millenium.
(The common experiences we shared as the only man and woman alive on all of Pendor, once, a millennium and some ago...) again, not a millennium, the day when Oenone was taken into the future is given as 0000/292 in The Journal Entries.
("Ken informs me that you are Entalie'.") By the definition given in "The Courage Of My Convictions" it should be "erolie". I've done a review of your use of "entalie" and "erolie" and it seems as if you're swapping the meaning of the two words every other story.
("Nonsense," Oenone said. "You yourself admitted that on Pendor that 'family wagon' can travel from Pendor to Terra in under sixteen hours, most of that without intervention.") and in the same year it took the Off-Centaur 2 weeks?
And a question: Have you planned any stories where Oenone makes here promise good leaves here island?
Hurricane Force Winds (0920/011):
---------------------------------
(He reached for her hand a placed the radio into it.) "and"...
Have you planned anything more about Hyzen? or/and Furry and Kolya?
Reason To Live (0928/128):
--------------------------
("Has the technology changed so much that seventh century SDisks are incompatible with your current generation?") (...had access to SDisks four centuries ago.) seventh century means 600-700 right? in 928 that wasn't "four centuries ago"...
("Is that why took the blood samples...") a "you" is missing
Coming Home (0931/137):
-----------------------
Who is Cheryl?
The Wolfs (0966/161):
---------------------
(I hate the fear the create.) "they"...
(It can't be colder than 68, maybe 65.) Don't you think °C or K should be more "fitting" for Pender then °F?