Twelve Minutes of Zazen

[elfs]

Twelve minutes seems to be an odd place in the Zazen routine. As I meditate, I start to wonder when that damn doan chime (meditation alarm) is ever going to go off, and when it does I stop and think to myself, "Is that it?"

Next week, I'll up the rate to 15 minutes.

I don't think I'm doing it right. Yeah, I sit still and alternate between doing heavy visualizations and trying to do traditional zazen, but there's too much clutter in my head, too many characters and projects and tasks and distractions. Getting them to shut up is hard work.

Comments

[amberleewriter.livejournal.com]

Hi Elf,

Don't often respond to your posts in spite of the fact I've been reading them for years (which might make me a total creepy internet lurker but, hey, there you have it). I have no idea if this will help you or not, but I'll do the unasked for and share. ^_^

I've been doing different forms of meditation off and on since childhood. Training the mind to be "blank" is hard (though helpful). Prior to actually participating in group zazen, I had a lot more trouble with emptying my mind. I would, instead of going for stillness, do a visualization or focus techniques (thinking about a blank piece of paper, watching a candle flame, listening to a specific noise in the room like a ticking clock or a piece of music and picking out only one instrument).

When I did group zazen there were two sets of seated meditation were broken up with kihin (walking meditation). This, along with the pure nearness of others, helped me to focus on my own body in a way I had not been forced to in the past. What I found is that the walking meditation -- focusing on things like being quiet, keeping myself mostly still, and the sensation of brushing my feet on the floor -- turned me toward the moment and helped me drop external thoughts much faster. There is a kind of energy in your body (and others) that you pick up on and don't even acknowledge in daily life most of the time. When in group zazen I ended up needing to block OUT other people and, thus, turned inward.

Once "in" breathing techniques have proven to be the most helpful for me. (Focusing on deep breathing; trying to breathe in, hold the breath, and exhale for the same amount of time each time; breathing in through my nose and feeling the air pass up through my sinus cavity, down into my lungs as they expand then back out as I exhale.) I've also had individuals suggest suggest focusing on a specific sense or body part (usually the body part is suggested for when you've got an itch or your leg is falling asleep). After a few months of sitting my body began to expect "turning off" and it became easier not to sit and mentally compose grocery lists, to do lists, or think about that next bit of dialogue for my story.

It might not be your speed (or perhaps you've already tried it) but going to a group session once or twice might give you a different perspective. Your mind and body will both go "I am her to DO this as an event" and that sometimes helps your mind create a different expectation level for your meditation. You can also get some interesting tips and suggestions from the people at the zen center. I would suggest looking for a soto or rinzai one in your area if possible. They usually have daily open sittings with an "introduction to zazen" session once a week and little or no religiousness inserted into the process (unless it is a day for a Dharma talk).

Though I used to go, "is that it?" at first, I found that I became MORE creative and purposeful after meditation. Enforced stillness of mind and body seems to give me the ability to regenerate and look at things differently. When I come back to an art project, writing project, or code after I leave it and "empty" I usually get the breakthrough moment and move past a block or rough patch.

Hope you find that meditation works for you. Again, no idea if any of this will be of help, but good luck to you!