Customer service pap

[elfs]

Robotic voice: "Good afternoon, sir. How may I provide you with excellent service?"

Okay, question of the day: when did this kind of ridiculous verbosity become normal? I mean, what's wrong with "How may I help you?" or "How may I be of service?"

The woman on the other end of the phone did her job with perfunctory professionalism, and I appreciated the way the call proceeded, despite the awkward opening, until we were done:

"Thank you sir. Did I provide you with excellent service?"

"Yes, fine. Thank you." I was tempted to make some sort of vague Bill & Ted gesture at the phone. "Be excellent to each other!"

I think I'm going to write these people (it was Bank of America, in case anyone's curious) and tell them that their "customer service script" is ridiculous, annoying, patronizing, incoherent, and unworthy of their fine institution.

Comments

[taerin.livejournal.com]

I'll bet she didn't like having to say it anymore than you liked having to hear it. She'd probably love for you to provide that kind of feedback.

And you know? Not only does it make a call take longer than it has to, but it feels sneaky to me - like they're trying to plant the term 'excellent service' in your head and connect it to that company. Sheesh.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

You know, I suspect you're exactly right. Damn, and I propogated the freakin' meme quite effectively, too.

[jenkitty.livejournal.com]

I dunno, now I'm thinking "excellent pablum" in connection with that company, thanks to your story.

I've been made to do similar, back in my burger-slinging days... instead of "Do you want fries with that?" a question that can be answered with a NO, we were forced to ask, "And what size fries would you like with that?" We were yelled at by many irate customers demanding that they did NOT want fries. We finally just went back to the old way of our own accord and management didn't do anything about it.

Yes Momentum

[(Anonymous)]

The idea is to plant the idea of saying 'yes' as well as the thought that you've had excellent services - just in case there's a sales opportunity in the call.

I wonder what her script would be if you said, "Heck no, but it isn't your fault."

I have had to say, "Thanks for banking with us for . We appreciate your business." as a "Sincere appreciation." I actually did have people complain about it because the big-brotheriness of it sort of freaked them out, leading to its eventually dying the natural death of a dumb idea.

[spiralsong.livejournal.com]

I'll bet she didn't like having to say it anymore than you liked having to hear it. She'd probably love for you to provide that kind of feedback. (taerin)

Oh yes. Oh, indeed, yes. Let me tell you - I work at an answering service. I make a buck by taking the phone calls for companies that are either unwilling or unable to have their own customer service reps, and believe me, nothing gets on us operator's nerves more than a completely idiotic answer script.

For instance - We answer for a company called Evolution (blank) Systems (to protect my NDA of course). Now, normally we answer phones with 'Thank you for calling (company name,) how may I help you?' Can we do this with ES? Of COURSE not. Instead it's 'Thank you for calling Evolution (blank) Systems, how may I assist you with your Evolution today?'

Gag me with a dictionary.

And then, our closing phrase has to be 'Thank you for calling, and 'Control your Evolution'.'

Rig-goddamn-diculous. Can we say eschew obfuscation? I knew we could.

I hope it was sarcasm

[(Anonymous)]

I agreeed with you right up to "unworthy of their fine institution." That nonsensical, robotic answer message fits right in with the robotic, nonsensical company that has it. (Guess who I don't bank with anymnore.)