The Manly Arts

[elfs]

I'm 37 years old and, to my annoyance, I discover that there is an encylopedia of knowledge about being a man that either my father never taught me, that my absurdly expensive English boarding school never showed me, and that I have not before encountered for myself until recently.

There's an entire generation growing up with the same problem, and as a cure there are books to help with the problem, with instructions on how to mow a lawn, or start a grill.

In the public interest, I shall expound on three things I have learned recently.

1. How to tuck in your shirt. The real secret to tucking in a shirt and making it look right is to not shove the shirt down your pants with your hand; the withdrawal action can cause the shirt to come loose. What you really want to do open your fly, reach in, and pull the shirttail down as far as it will comfortably go. Reach all the way around to the sides and get every angle.

2. A tip on shaving. Rinse the blade in cold water after every stroke. This apparently hardens the blade and cools your face as you shave, thus making the act of shaving less uncomfortable.

3. How to section a grapefruit. While not really a manly art, a grapefruit and coffee is my preferred breakfast on workdays, and I have never quite managed to do it without a bit of a mess. Here's what I have learned: cut off the ends of the grapefruit and discard. Place one of the flat facings on a cutting board and trim off the outer skin, making sure to trim off all of the white, waxy part. Now, with your knife, saw down along the waxy inner membranes to the center, working the knife back and forth. The inner flesh of the grapefruit should now come out cleanly.

Comments

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

I always thought a hot blade kept the beard soft and easier to cut. But then, I quickly graduated to a Remington MicroScreen, and then to not shaving atall, so... :)

And I always just put the shirt on first. :)

As for grapefruit, I defer to your superior cook-fu. :)

[hastings1066.livejournal.com]

I have always rinsed in really hot water. Cold hurts a lot for me, and doesn't clear the blades as well.

Also, on the grapefruit, there is a teaspoon that has a serated tip that has been specifically created for eating a half grapefruit.

I plead the 5th on the shirt tucking thing *)

[(Anonymous)]

Long ago, I saw a picture of a Shirt Garter system. The picture, part of a military surplus catalog, showed suspender-like bands clipped between the officer's shirt tails and his socks.

I suspect this did not catch on for the same reason regular man-sock-garters didn't last. That, or the suspect garter lines when one bent over.

--Gon

[lil-kiwi.livejournal.com]

brilliant

Clues for the clueless.

[lconover.livejournal.com]

I've always thought there was space on the market for a book about 'the obvious' - the stuff of day-to-day life that some of us just managed to avoid learning. Some of us just never had siblings to show us the way to do things, or were introverted enough to never quite pick up on the social cues about 'the way things are done'. Or the way to do things better. You can always tell those of us who had to teach ourselves how to wear make-up, shave our legs, or the people who never got a gentle nudge about how to tell when they have 'enough' perfume on.

I remember when I purchased my first pair of Dr.Martens boots. When I opened the box, however, I was faced with a quandary - how the hell do you lace these things properly, so it is possible to tie them relatively tightly? I tried about four different combinations before I broke down and called a friend, who had quite the chuckle at my expense. To them, the solution was obvious - although they didn't remember when they had learned it, or from whom. And I've since then, I've seen other people with their boots laced in outlandish ways, ways that must take them forever to put on and take off, so I have to figure that other people just weren't born with innate-boot-lacing knowledge.

For example, someone never told me to always carry breath mints. When I figured that one out, I felt like I'd been clocked with the 'well, isn't that's obvious!' stick. If you always carry mints, you'll avoid having bad breath, and if you're confronted with another person with horrid breath, you can always politely offer them one after consuming one yourself. (Thus avoiding the potential social embarassment of telling someone straight out, "You need a mint, badly.")