elfs: (Default)
[personal profile] elfs
At the grocery store the other day, I saw Bulletproof "The Mentalist" Coffee on sale. So I picked it up. TL;DR: Do Not Bother.

The coffee touts itself as "especially free of mold and other contaminants," as if that were its primary selling point. That's not its primary selling point. It's primary selling point is that it's a medium-roast coffee that was extraordinarily slow-roasted.

This has two effects: first, it releases and preserves every last molecule of caffeine. High-temperature roasting tends to degrade the caffeine found in coffee beans. Americans have been taught to enjoy "dark roast" not because it's the most flavorful or the most caffeinated, but because it provides a uniform bitterness over the cheaper, soapy flavors that might be found in some cheap coffee beans. "Medium" roast coffee beans tend to have much more caffeine.

The slow-roast process is similar to sous-vide: hold the beans at a temperature that won't cause chemical degredation of the caffeine, but will also achieve the touted effect of guaranteeing that any living organic matter with the bean is also destroyed. Which is great, if that's what you want.

Second, coffee is not just bitterness and caffeine. Good coffees come with a host of oils, esters, and terpenes that strongly influence the flavor of the coffee. The long-roasting process used by Bulletproof boils these off and the result is a coffee that is simultaneously jitter-inducing even in the most caffeine-tolerant human beings, and yet also the most boring coffee yet invented. It's not "instant" coffee; that takes longer to out-gas and results in that flat, "brown" flavor that's endemic to brands like Folger's. It's just that there's nothing there to enjoy.

The nootropic "lifehacking" hacks often seem like joyless machines doing one thing: optimizing themeslves to manipulate the capitalist system. Bulletproof Coffee, especially a line named for a profession based on deceit, trickery, and sleight-of-hand, is perfect for them.

I, on the other hand, am going to toss this bag and go buy some Ethiopian or Columbian medium-roast from the local co-op.

Date: 2019-09-09 04:40 pm (UTC)
omahas: (Default)
From: [personal profile] omahas
As much as I appreciate your personal opinion regarding coffee (which I know you have very strong opinions about;) you are getting into a bad habit of labeling any business as "capitalist" and finding some way to show that each one is trying their best to deceive you. I'm pretty sure that Bulletproof is thinking more along the lines of below.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mentalism_(philosophy)

Profile

elfs: (Default)
Elf Sternberg

May 2025

S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
111213141516 17
18192021222324
25262728293031

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated May. 31st, 2025 12:45 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios