Anal sex causes mass bird deaths!

[elfs]

Cindy Jacobs of Generals International (speaking of right-wing martial memes), "Acheiving societal tranformation through the prophetic," self-described as a "prophet" with "the voice of God," tells us:

Marriage is between a man and a woman, so we have to say "what happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God’s principles?" Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us - for instance, violent storms, flooding.

The blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between Hosea 4 and now that we've had the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.

Got it? The recent mass deaths of birds and so forth isn't the result of chemical pollution, or opportunistic infections, or freak weather: it's caused by sodomy.

But wait! If orgasms cause anal sex, and anal sex causes mass animal deaths, then it's true: every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten!

[ht: Ed Brayton]

Comments

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness I prefer rabbits! ^_^

[caprine.livejournal.com]

P.Z. Myers has an amusing take on it here (http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2011/01/is_god_blind_or_something.php):

God hates gays, so he's taken to randomly smiting birds in Arkansas. What's the sense in that? Were these gay birds? Were they wagging their cloacas heavenward and bragging in bird song about coming out? It's a confusing message that really doesn't come across well.

If this god really wanted to communicate the idea that gay sex is bad, and somehow do it using birds, it would have made more sense to, say, have birds smash through windows and throw themselves across any orifice about to be penetrated by a gay man. That would shake people up.

And don't do it in Arkansas — try New York and San Francisco. Birds dropping dead in Arkansas is more likely to be interpreted as a sign of offense at NASCAR or country music or committing incest while barefoot with a corncob pipe in one's mouth (I know, it's an unfair stereotype, but you know god doesn't seem to be operating on the basis of individual behavior, any way).

[kenshardik]

OK, so let me see if I follow this:

1) I read something written by Cindy Jacobs
2) I get a massive headache trying to wrap my head around her bizarre scripture-soaked logic
3) I drive to the store to get aspirin
4) The psychic dissonance in my head traversing through space-time causes the Baby Jesus to be sad, making the Holy Ghost kill birds in Arkansas

Yeah, that makes more sense to me.

[gromm.livejournal.com]

Anything makes more sense than these loons.

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

[caprine.livejournal.com]

A++

[lynx212.livejournal.com]

And the above is why i adore you!! Post's like these do indeed make my day.

It's hard to imagine some people getting any further up on their moral high horses and soap boxes then BOOM you find someone that does and you are forced to face palm and head desk in rapid succession in hopes of dislodging their "pseudo logic" from your brain.

*sighs* Anywho kudos to you for putting this together...it was a joy to read links and all!

now feels the need to use her Homosexual Agenda icon from her favorite online comic that is surely killing kittens and birds left and right ^_^

[gromm.livejournal.com]

Well fuck, that explains why there's been snowstorms in Toronto this week! We legalized gay marriage a few years back!

Why is it exactly that these people are *not* using disasters in *other countries* where gay sex is practically *encouraged*? Does it have something to do with their target audience perhaps? Or perhaps these people are *part* of their own target audience, and as such, couldn't even find a Dutch news broadcast with Google and a native guide.

[lynx212.livejournal.com]

This so hard...you rock btw