Today's Moral Quandry!

[elfs]

Today's moral quandry: Is it okay to ogle a blind woman?

While Omaha and I were standing at the deli where we got today's lunch, a couple entered the deli through the back door, holding hands. He was one of those very cute European bear-geek types that haunts the cubicle corridors of the Pacific Northwest. Despite his weight he looked like he got out into the sun more than once in a while. She was a well-built, vivacious, pretty, and significantly zaftig Chinese woman, dressed in green slacks and a black, low-cut blouse, with a slightly distant look.

It took me a moment to realize that they weren't just holding hands, but he was leading her. Then I spotted the white cane in her other hand.

I experienced a moment of confusion. Is that okay? I mean, it's not like she can ogle back. Does she know how much consternation she's causing, showing that much cleavage? Surely he would tell her, right?

(PS: The use of the "gaze" in your responses will be cheerfully ignored.)

Comments

[jeriendhal.livejournal.com]

Well, it's less rude than shouting at a deaf person I guess...

[grum]

And it's much less rude than shouting at someone who wears really thick glasses but who has nothing wrong with their hearing.

[elgatocurioso.livejournal.com]

haha... yes, that would do it

[laplor.livejournal.com]

Maybe he tells her how many people are looking....

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Perhaps this is because I grew up spending a lot of time around animals but... Sight isn't the only way you know that something is staring at you. The sounds that things normally make halt oddly when they're staring at something. It registers subconsciously most of the time. But like when you're sitting and someone sneaks up behind you, do they always startle you or do you sometimes know they're there, even if they're hiding/holding still?

[urox.livejournal.com]

Yep, another poster pointed this out as well. The deafening lack of sound of observation.

[hydrolagus.livejournal.com]

What an irritating reduction of the subject of gaze that site is! The French do it better.
Dunno if he'd tell her--beyond just being polite, it would depend on whether he was actually with her or a helpful stranger, and his social awareness (i.e., him being aware of how much consternation she's causing). Though it could be she she wore that intending to cause him consternation.
I'd say standard ogling rules apply--appreciative looks but not staring--with some modifications if one is Ogling With Intent regarding whether it's OK to approach to account for lack of eye contact.

[bemused-leftist.livejournal.com]

Unless he's her lover or her brother, I don't know when and how he could tell her without causing her embarrassment or sounding prudish. Better to assume she knew what kind of dress she was buying when she bought it. If it's a mistake, let a family member or a girlfriend tell her.

[hydrolagus.livejournal.com]

Exactly--if the guy she's walking with is a random, he's not likely to say.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

The guy she was with was most definitely more than a friend. During their purchase, he guided her through the process and helped her find the credit receipt for her signature; he's at least intimately familiar with her bank account, if nothing else. They seemed very comfortable; she hugged his back at one point in more than a "there you are!" gesture.

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

It is no more or less good or bad than if it was done to a sighted woman. Although inviting the blind to "check me out" back has fun possibilities :)

[shunra.livejournal.com]

Data point: a friend of mine is entirely sightless (stepped on a land-mine in 1956 which blew to bits a bunch of of part of his body, including his eyes.)

He could always tell when people were staring at him. He said it sort of tingled. YMMV, but don't assume that ogling won't cause the same sensation.

[bldrnrpdx.livejournal.com]

There's also the possibility that she's not entirely sightless. Regardless of the color of the cane, she may have some functional sight.

[lisakit.livejournal.com]

Without glasses I'm legally blind and I do have some other sensory compensation. I usually know when someone is looking at me whether I can see them or not.

It might be more polite to complement her so she has an explanation for why someone is staring. It would be less disconcerting to me to know anyway.