Worst Product Placement In History

[elfs]

It's only 14 seconds long, a snipped from the TV show CSI:

"I'll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic; see if I can track an IP address."

Man, I hope Microsoft gets their money's worth out of that gut-twistingly bad piece of dialogue. For my money, maybe looking at the fucking router table might make you a more effective moron. Something like:

# ip route show

You know, actually doing your job and catching the killer rather than wasting your time prettying it up with that child's plaything.

[Hat tip: Omaha]

Comments

[gromm.livejournal.com]

Congratulations. You just discovered that TV doesn't get anything right.

Movies too.

[gromm.livejournal.com]

Strangely enough, I just read this article (http://blogs.techrepublic.com.com/security/?p=2489) after reading your post, which has a nice quote I'd like to share:

Any time I hear the word “hacker” in a television crime drama series, I prepare myself for a load of nonsense and unlikely circumstances, for most of which they never bother to try to provide even a half-baked explanation. Screenwriters appear content to treat computer security like magic, and to expect everyone in the audience to do the same.

Really, I think the author doesn't go far enough in Screenwriters' treatment of both computer security and the audience. They treat computers like they're magic, and expect that the audience does the same. Which is largely a correct assumption unfortunately, in spite of the fact that they now exist in every home, and on the screenwriter's desks too.

Just as importantly, if not moreso, the vast majority of screenwriters also treat the core subject matter with the same kind of derision. Take crime drama for example. They use criminal investigation as a nice cliche to tell a story, usually one that's wholly bullshit. Don't expect realism, or really anything more than a somewhat entertaining story.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

The things people learn about first aid and defensive tactics from movies get people killed on a regular basis.

"Pull 'em out of the car before it blows up!" It wouldn't have, but now that you've compromised his spine, he'll never walk again.

"Do [this] to stop the bleeding." If [this] is anything but direct firm pressure, others who try to do [this] based on what they remember get to watch as the person bleeds out.

My least favorite is how not to hold someone at gunpoint, as demonstrated on endless cop dramas. Lesson #1: keep yourself and your firearm out of reach. Lesson #2: don't do it unless you are prepared to shoot and face all of the consequences of so doing.

[gromm.livejournal.com]

Nevermind the complete lack of consequences of so doing.

There was a discussion a while back on this very blog about how a gun was somehow needed for self defence, in spite of copious advice from police about how it's a great way to get oneself shot (often, with your own gun) at best, and often enough, imprisoned.

That kind of thing doesn't show up in the movies either.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

You are barking up the wrong tree with me, as I am an NRA Personal Protection instructor and I teach people how to do exactly that, use a firearm for self defense against armed intruders and violent criminals and survive the practical and legal consequences of so doing.

My experience is that most rank and file police officers support thoughtful private ownership of firearms even in gun-hostile California. Their political bosses, not so much -- but I will not refight the gun wars in Elf's blog.

Portrayal of the most typical self-defense use of firearms in the media and television is very rare. Kleck's academic work claims millions of these gun uses per year, and even his detractors acknowledge hundreds of thousands of defensive firearms uses of this type.

Criminal offers to commit a crime, citizen tells criminal to go away, criminal declines offer and moves forward, citizen displays firearm and reluctant willingness to use it, criminal hastily flees. Not seen much in movies or television, but by far the most common defensive firearms use -- and seldom officially reported.

I for one would appreciate it if more firearms accidents and mishaps were shown, so that gun owners including police took more responsibility. Suicides and improper storage they've got down, as nearly every display of a firearm on movies and TV is a display of an unsafe storage method.

There is a kernel of truth to your statement: if an unarmed man can take your gun away from you while you are pointing it at him, you should not have had it out to begin with and probably have no business owning a gun.

[gromm.livejournal.com]

I entirely agree with several of your points. I'm a city boy, but I grew up in the wilds of Canada, and my father trained me in firearms handling, safety, and use from a very young age, just as he had been (plus his stint in the Army).

However, it's the "thoughtful private ownership" part that's a problem. Too many people simply aren't thoughtful, trained, or careful, and accidents happen to even those that are all three, as you yourself admit. It's dangerous environments that cause accidents in the first place, and I'm sure you can agree that firearms make any environment dangerous.

Maybe it's just a consequence of me living in peaceful Canada, but I for one have no actual need for gun ownership. Keeping an awareness of my surroundings and a demeanour that doesn't scream "please make a target out of me" have been all the defences that I've needed ever since I got out of college. Carrying a cell phone doesn't hurt either.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

Last week I was reading a very interesting article about private security issues (and abuses) in downtown Vancouver. Guards are not allowed to have any defensive equipment except dogs. Guess what they abuse the homeless with. Sigh.

You may or may not feel a need to own a firearm, which is your privilege, but in the United States the 2nd Amendment and _Heller v. Columbia_ establish that it is an individual and not a societal choice. In Canada, not so much.

The only problem with carrying a cell phone as a self defense tool is that it presumes that you have time to complete a call and give your location, that the police will care and roll units, and that the sirens and/or lights will scare the attacker away in a useful timeframe. None of the above is guaranteed, especially in parts of the Untied Snakes where the police have given up on entire neighborhoods and travel them in packs if at all.

"I'm sure you can agree that firearms make any environment dangerous."

Note icon. People are the danger, whether you give them chainsaws or motorcycles or cell phones or cars or guns or ballots. Or even laptops. Irresponsible people with firearms are dangerous; but so are irresponsible drivers.

A friend of mine died on a motorcycle. Another friend was shot in the chest. I'm not inclined to ban motorcycles and even my friend with the GSW still opposes gun control.

Carrying a gun for self defense is dangerous, no possible doubt about it, but may in some cases be less dangerous than not carrying one. The devil is in the details, and even those who are competent with a chainsaw may not have given thought to how to use it to fend off a polar bear. Having a firearm in one's home is more like keeping a fire extinguisher that can be dangerously misused but can also save the lives of everyone in the house.

Thanks for your perspective.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Dude. No Hollyweird computer has a root prompt. Don't you know they're all voice activated? "Computer? Computer?! Ah. A keyboard. How quaint."

(And we all know there's NO WAY to run a Mac Classic without a mouse, particularly not that fast!)

Gripping hand, Wireshark (http://www.wireshark.org) is apparently pretty spiffy... but I betcha they aren't paying Hollyweird dead presidents for product placement.

Personally I'm a big fan of tcpdump... but then I'm old school. And damn proud of it.

(GET OFF MY LAWN! :) :) :) :)

[lucky-otter.livejournal.com]

Nah, there's totally an actual root prompt shown in The Matrix Reloaded. Trinity runs nmap, sshnuke, ssh. Of course, they still have a stupid popup for the SSH password, but it's a hell of a lot closer to reality than most movie computers.

Sadly, the next most realistic hacking scene I can think of is in Sneakers, and that's pretty damn unrealistic.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not Hollywood (yet), but I just saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and I was impressed with the computer voodoo there. Some of it is still a touch on the implausible side (a hacker manages to repeatedly RDP into the personal laptop of a skilled investigative reporter without him noticing), but I don't think I saw anything that was technologically out of line. Plenty of text interfaces, too.

And for once -- thank God! -- no magic crystal-clear image enhancement, just the realistic use of some basic Photoshop filters to bring out low-contrast details. And the investigators spend as much time in dusty basements poring over old photo negatives and paper business records as they do searching the net.

Number 127

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

VisualBASIC is one of the major reasons we haven't yet been visited by intelligent life from elsewhere in the universe. It is a blight upon humanity.

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

Science/tech fail and TV go hand in hand. Even the writers of Star Trek didn't have clue one how computers actually work, even as late as Voyager, when you'd think they would have learned better by then.

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

To be fair, computers of a few centuries from now would be VERY different from computers of today

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

Yes, but there are things modern computers can do that Star Trek computers apparently can't.

One example: a Voyager episode had someone downloading files from Voyager, and instead of simply making copies of the data, the data was actually being drained. The guy doing the downloading also didn't have any of his own files backed up either.

I can't think of any other specific examples, but my friend who is in the computer field says pretty much anytime they go into details about the computers, it is 99% BS. There are cases like the Voyager thing above that even I could tell were major failure to understand how computers work.

In TOS, the story of how Nomad got screwed up is completely ridiculous and shows that the writers had no idea how computers work. Which is forgivable, it being TOS.

[christinaathena.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a good point :-)

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

:-D

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

This is relevant: http://fayanora.livejournal.com/678231.html

[(Anonymous)]

I dunno about that. Any decent hacker knows that it would be far easier to extract the key through social engineering.

And the police can be very... persuasive.