"How to be a Stepford Wife with ADHD."
Apr. 2nd, 2016 09:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfsThe only book at the local library for adults with ADHD was entitled The Queen of Distraction, a book entirely for and about women with ADHD. I picked it up anyway. Good list-making tips are good no matter what your gender.
But the section on romance really (and I mean really) bugged me. Because the author wa, y'know, cool and all with the idea that hyperactives might not want to settle down, but instead spend a lifetime of moving from relationship to relationship as boredom settled in, but inattentives might well want a "real" relationship. You know, one that lasted.
She really does a fantastic job of capturing the anxiety of ADHD/I on a date. I can't stop looking at that flickering TV in the bar. He probably think I'm an idiot because I can't keep up in conversation or find the right words. Do I look okay? Am I talking enough? Too much? But the thing is, nowhere in this long (and duplicated) tale of "getting serious" is polyamory ever really discussed. I mean, seriously, if you're the sort who wants both a stable relationship and lots of lovers, have both goddamit. Just do it with everyone's consent and compassion.
There's an entire goddamn chapter on clothes and laundry. Part of it's excellent: the anxiety of buying and wearing clothes for someone with ADHD is well-written, but the whole laundry thing is so detailed it's closer to an autism spectrum disorder how-to than anything.
It's such a mix. It's like, there's ADHD, and if you want to live the most boring, middle-class, white-bread life ever, this is how you look like you're doing it while managing your spinning brain.
But the section on romance really (and I mean really) bugged me. Because the author wa, y'know, cool and all with the idea that hyperactives might not want to settle down, but instead spend a lifetime of moving from relationship to relationship as boredom settled in, but inattentives might well want a "real" relationship. You know, one that lasted.
She really does a fantastic job of capturing the anxiety of ADHD/I on a date. I can't stop looking at that flickering TV in the bar. He probably think I'm an idiot because I can't keep up in conversation or find the right words. Do I look okay? Am I talking enough? Too much? But the thing is, nowhere in this long (and duplicated) tale of "getting serious" is polyamory ever really discussed. I mean, seriously, if you're the sort who wants both a stable relationship and lots of lovers, have both goddamit. Just do it with everyone's consent and compassion.
There's an entire goddamn chapter on clothes and laundry. Part of it's excellent: the anxiety of buying and wearing clothes for someone with ADHD is well-written, but the whole laundry thing is so detailed it's closer to an autism spectrum disorder how-to than anything.
It's such a mix. It's like, there's ADHD, and if you want to live the most boring, middle-class, white-bread life ever, this is how you look like you're doing it while managing your spinning brain.
