Mom, stop knocking on my damn closet, okay?

[elfs]

Mom called this evening and talked my ear off for over an hour. I mentioned during the course of the conversation that I was at a party recently, and a friend of mine came to me and introduced me to a strikingly pretty woman. He said, "You two have to talk. You have something in common. You both dated Angi."

My Mom had a sudden intake of breath and said, "You mean, Yamaraashi-chan's mother dates women? Did you know that when you were with her?" I'm afraid I hemmed and hawed and she said, "Well, does she, you know, does she protect Yamaraashi-chan from that kind of stuff?"

"What stuff?" I said.

"You know. That."

I said that it really wasn't that big of a deal, and Yamaraashi-chan would have to face the real world someday, it may as well be now. "Well," Mom grumbled. "I hope you protect her from that kind of thing."

I think I'd like to protect Yamaraashi-chan from being close-minded or ignorant, personally. I made agreeable noises and told her that Yamaraashi-chan was just fine. That made her comfortable and the topic cycled 'round to something else.

Y'know, if my Mom does come visit us this Summer, as she's considering, I wonder what kind of sanitizing I'll have to do.

Comments

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Just "straighten up" the place. 8)

Seriously, is there a good way to come out to mothers?

[hydrolagus.livejournal.com]

There is. Mine figured it out about me before I did. This makes for an embarrassing but very peaceable coming out.

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

Not that I've been able to come up with. Mine very conveniently died before it was necessary to come out about anything, otherwise I think she would have imploded. My mother didn't approve of when I got my ears pierced, let alone what she'd think of my lifestyle choices.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Mine has somehow missed it...for 25 years.
Of course, the husband and 4 kids amke a great cover. She can tell herself I crop my hair, wer stell-toes and drive a semi because I'm just rebelling against my old library job.

Mom has big lesbian issues, and I have no idea how to tell her both my oldest and I are bi.

[fuzzyr.livejournal.com]

Yes, being honest is usually the best bet unless you're still living under their roof and cannot be sure of their reaction.

Given how open I thought Elf was, I'm surprised he is still not out to his mother.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Never really had the need to, actually.

I haven't lived with Mom--except for a very brief time in 95--since I moved out in 86. But I can be pretty sure of her reaction. It will be negative.

[dossy.livejournal.com]

What's cute is it sounds like your Mom's the one who wants to be "protected" ... from that. :-)

[woggie.livejournal.com]

No matter how much sanitizing you do, Elf, it won't be enough.

But it may be enough for her to ignore what she's seeing.

This is the only area in which I am more courageous than you. The only area. Before I get all holier-than-thou or you get apologetic, it's important that we both remember this.

[whatthehay.livejournal.com]

But, honey, look at your background....your father and mom. Do you really think mom would be all that surprised to see differently sexual activity in you? She's already had to face it once. I don't know enough about Elf and his family to know what his upbringing was like, but I do know yours. Kisses. :-)

[woggie.livejournal.com]

I don't think my Mom would be a problem in this regard, but then, I'm pretty sure words like those Elf described would ever come out of her mouth. Not even as a joke.

Mom's too open-minded to get like that. Her particular bugaboo is Family, and exactly where that line gets drawn.

[whatthehay.livejournal.com]

Well, she's right. It's just a matter of who she thinks if family. I think if she really *liked* your dad's mate, it might make a big difference, then again, it might not. Life is complicated. :-)

[woggie.livejournal.com]

Well...

She and David's relationship is also complicated by The Dog Incident, and The Laundry Incident, and probably also that Dad's tended to not have relationships that last more than a year or two at a stretch. The one time Dad did have a really long relationship (something like ten years), she accepted Darrel with open arms. Her decision of who is Family and who is not seems to be based on the two cornerstones of Time and Commitment.

If Dad ever decided to marry one of these guys, she'd probably be more accepting, since she's a traditionalist.

[lucky-otter.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I hate hiding things like that from my parents. I do it too - but that doesn't make it any more fun.

[mg4h.livejournal.com]

Oh boy.

Well, I guess the question is, would you prefer to have her blow up before she comes to visit, or when she's there?

Which would be easier to deal with? And if you do tell her sooner, and she freaks - would it at least spare the kids from her ranting and raving about their parents in front of them? Because once she knows about part of the closet, all the skeletons need to come out....

?