Oh, dear.

[elfs]

The Reverend Gary Aldredge, a friend of the late Jerry Falwell's, died in Alabama two days ago under curious circumstances. The state of Alabama has ruled his death "accidental by mechanical asphyxiation."

Aldridge served as the church's pastor for 16 years. Immediately following his death, church officials issued a press release asking community members to "please refrain from speculation" about what led to Aldridge's demise, adding that, "we will begin the healing process under the strong arm of our Savior, Jesus Christ."

The deceased was clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving gloves and slippers. There were numerous straps and cords restraining the decedent. There was a leather belt around the midriff. There was a series of ligatures extending from the hands to the feet. The hands were bound behind the back. The feet were tied to the hands. There were nylon ligatures holding these in place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There were plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower neck. There was a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

Clothing: The deceased was received wearing two (2) wetsuits, one scuba diving mask, one pair of diving gloves, one pair of slippers, one pair of rubber underwear, two (2) ties, five (5) belts, eleven (11) straps.

Personal effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left finger, one dildo.

Wait, aren't dildos illegal in Alabama? Didn't he have to cross state lines to get it?

[Hat tip to jwz, PZ Myers, Stephanie Miller and pretty much the whole damn giggling blogosphere this morning.]