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elfsOne thing I don't do well is comedy. I can do humor, in fact it's an absolute necessity that I get in something that'll make the reader smile or giggle in the first thousand words or so: if I don't, I can't promise that I'll do so well later.
I have bad habits, and one of which is that I tend to think of writing as Serious Business. Madcap Marx Brothers humor is hard to write, and harder to take seriously. But I'm trying.
A short while ago I mentioned I had had an idea for a lightweight series of heterosexual robot stories. I had three plots, but I was looking for a fourth before I started to flesh out the ideas.
I had an inspiration. You can blame Thomas Dolby for this one. This is completely the rough draft, no polish, no nothing. I wrote it straight into the browser as you see it here. "He's a gruff backwater cop with an embarassing secret working a dead-end beat. She's a recently orphaned airheaded fuckbot. Are they perfect for each other? Probably not!"
Being a cop in a smaller Discovery city was like being a janitor. Felix didn't investigate crime: either the local AI had it in hand or the crisis required major Federal forces from llerkin or Unity. Felix was perfectly happy to let those folks do their jobs. Instead he cleaned up after the messes made by citizens, sometimes handing out a fine to the citizen who made the mess. It was, as jobs go, liveable. It kept him above the baseline.
Felix had given up trying to look like a cop. The uniform wasn't torn or dirty but he never bothered to press it. His hair was short but ragged with an artless machine cut. He'd put on weight and had not yet gotten around to having it taken off. He'd tried having stubble for a while but it bothered him.
He was sitting behind his desk at the police station he shared with less than a dozen other officers. Sh'sturria, the Felinzi who had drawn this shift with him, was out walking the town, meeting with the citizenry, while Felix was left waiting for the Felix to come and find him.
"Excuse me."
Felix turned his head slowly from the monitor where he had been reviewing the previous weeks paltry record of incidents: one accidentally broken window, two drunk and disorderlies, four noise complaints, a couple of litterbugs. The life of a cop.
The citizen he turned to face was not ordinary. Her eyes were huge in one of those popular mods kids got these days, her nose small. She wore a pair of coveralls that ended in shorts and a t-shirt with a red star on it. She had long brown hair that seemed to sprout from her head with unnatural exuberance. But it was her mouth that caught Felix's attention. There was something odd about the way the upper lip curved up and away from the midpoint, as if forming a valentine heart or a caricature of a cat's muzzle. She had a look on her face somewhere around empty-headed puzzlement.
"Can I help you, miss?"
"It's my master." Her expression slipped into vague concern. She put a finger to one cheek. "I think he's dead."
"Your master?" Felix spoke slowly, not sure what to make of her.
"Master Bringhi. He said he was going to take a bath and work on a letter, but this morning when I went into the bath he was all cold and he wasn't moving. My internal scanner said he had voluntarily shut down during the night and there was nothing to indicate life. I thought I should tell someone."
p.s.: New Alizee' album! Yay! I am a happy Elf.
I have bad habits, and one of which is that I tend to think of writing as Serious Business. Madcap Marx Brothers humor is hard to write, and harder to take seriously. But I'm trying.
A short while ago I mentioned I had had an idea for a lightweight series of heterosexual robot stories. I had three plots, but I was looking for a fourth before I started to flesh out the ideas.
I had an inspiration. You can blame Thomas Dolby for this one. This is completely the rough draft, no polish, no nothing. I wrote it straight into the browser as you see it here. "He's a gruff backwater cop with an embarassing secret working a dead-end beat. She's a recently orphaned airheaded fuckbot. Are they perfect for each other? Probably not!"
Being a cop in a smaller Discovery city was like being a janitor. Felix didn't investigate crime: either the local AI had it in hand or the crisis required major Federal forces from llerkin or Unity. Felix was perfectly happy to let those folks do their jobs. Instead he cleaned up after the messes made by citizens, sometimes handing out a fine to the citizen who made the mess. It was, as jobs go, liveable. It kept him above the baseline.
Felix had given up trying to look like a cop. The uniform wasn't torn or dirty but he never bothered to press it. His hair was short but ragged with an artless machine cut. He'd put on weight and had not yet gotten around to having it taken off. He'd tried having stubble for a while but it bothered him.
He was sitting behind his desk at the police station he shared with less than a dozen other officers. Sh'sturria, the Felinzi who had drawn this shift with him, was out walking the town, meeting with the citizenry, while Felix was left waiting for the Felix to come and find him.
"Excuse me."
Felix turned his head slowly from the monitor where he had been reviewing the previous weeks paltry record of incidents: one accidentally broken window, two drunk and disorderlies, four noise complaints, a couple of litterbugs. The life of a cop.
The citizen he turned to face was not ordinary. Her eyes were huge in one of those popular mods kids got these days, her nose small. She wore a pair of coveralls that ended in shorts and a t-shirt with a red star on it. She had long brown hair that seemed to sprout from her head with unnatural exuberance. But it was her mouth that caught Felix's attention. There was something odd about the way the upper lip curved up and away from the midpoint, as if forming a valentine heart or a caricature of a cat's muzzle. She had a look on her face somewhere around empty-headed puzzlement.
"Can I help you, miss?"
"It's my master." Her expression slipped into vague concern. She put a finger to one cheek. "I think he's dead."
"Your master?" Felix spoke slowly, not sure what to make of her.
"Master Bringhi. He said he was going to take a bath and work on a letter, but this morning when I went into the bath he was all cold and he wasn't moving. My internal scanner said he had voluntarily shut down during the night and there was nothing to indicate life. I thought I should tell someone."
p.s.: New Alizee' album! Yay! I am a happy Elf.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-05 05:03 pm (UTC)Just FYI. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 02:46 pm (UTC)KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
CRUN: Yes, who is it?
SEAGOON: Inspector Ned Seagoon of the Vorstellen Police!
CRUN: But why are you knocking on my door?
SEAGOON: Because it's closed.
CRUN: I'd better open it then.
GRAMS: Door creaks open.
CRUN: Inspector Seagoon. What brings you here?
SEAGOON: Information has been laid before me that you have installed a positronic brain in the person of one Minnie bannister, Spinster of the Parish. Do you have any explanation for this?
CRUN: Well, you can't get the wood you know.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 08:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-10 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 01:31 pm (UTC)You are a Ruby fan, right?
no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 01:48 pm (UTC)For example, if the currently-unnamed bot were to say first:
"I need a new master."
"A... master?" Felix spoke slowly, not sure what to make of her.
She put a finger to one cheek. "I thought I should tell someone."
"So you decided to come to me?" Felix was glad his physiological interest to this situation was not evident. Good thing for desks.
"Yes." Her expression slipped into vague concern. "Master Bringhi said he was going to take a bath and work on a letter, but this morning when I went into the bath he was all cold and he wasn't moving."
"Someone's died?" Felix said, blood rushing away from under the desk and back to his brain.
"My internal scanner said he had voluntarily shut down during the night and there was nothing to indicate life."
and etc.
It's got potential
Date: 2007-05-07 05:23 pm (UTC)-Falbert