"You're mocking me, aren't you?"
Feb. 27th, 2007 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfs# find JournalEntries -type f -name '*.txt' -print0 | xargs -0 wc -w
557,204.
That's fully a quarter of my total output over eighteen years. I was looking through it last night and realizing just how much of it is missteps, abortive "Wouldn't it be cool if" stories, and a whole slew of scenes, snippets, and miscellany that I look over and tell myself that there's really nothing here, no dramatic tension, no literary value, not even decent erotic tension or revelation between many of the characters in the story.
Looking through my half-million words(!) of rubble, let's see: there's a story about the first starship designed to take dragons elsewhere, a germ of an idea about the Pendorians meeting a "United Federation" (a combination of Western libertinism, puritanism, and missionary zeal, Russian economics, Soviet organization, Arabian hospitality, and Chinese civil government; with just barely enough magical tech to keep median living standards marginally above early 21st century American upper class norms, with a teleological horror of "improvement" and "technological advancement," a society which actively works to restrain science from improving the human, uh, ritan model), a dead starship full of dead greys (which may harm Silver Rayne's chances), a novellette riff on The Machine Stops and The Naked Sun with rebellious teenagers, Sterlings (crud, that's 140,000 words right there, ain't it?), a Misuko & Linia vs. Cthulhu outing, a Brave New World riff, a Bottle City of Kandor riff, a mermaid story, Robots of the Deep vs. The Vampire Girl of Fallow Five, two different Encompassment stories, a discovery of who Pendor is at war with, a pair of Hell Simulation stories, some interstellar politics, a (really bad and not likely to see the light of day) riff on The Matrix that's another Hell Simulation story, a couple of Aaden, P'nyssa, and Wish stories, two Hellstrom's Hive riffs, and more!
And yet I can't seem to find most of this stuff interesting. I mean, when I look at some of these and see that the last time I touched them was three or four years ago, I wonder why I should bother.
Still, I have a couple ready for posting. I think my problem is simple: I find short stories easy, as long as their a particular kind of short story. In a post-abundance culture, the human animal has a problem: what do we do next, if anything? Many of my stories revolve around a simple theme: boys meets girl (or several other combinations) and convinces her (or him) that life is worth living, often appealing to various arbitrary atavisms (sex, food, whatever) for no other reason than that they're pleasurable and there's no reason to believe that post-transcendence pleasures will be any better.
It's when I break out into writing novels that I break out into a cold sweat. Novels are not in my comfort zone. And they shouldn't be. But I shouldn't be content to sit around in my comfort zone churning out porny love and redemption stories for the rest of my life. Which is why some of my work is reaching for that scale. It's just a little more intensive and nerve-wracking than what I usually do.
(Why is there no "whiny" mood?)
(Subject line explanation: In Toy Story, Buzz delivers that line, "You're mocking me, aren't you?" before he comes to realize that he is not destined for interstellar greatness but is, in fact, a limited, small, child's toy. It's a bit how I feel when I look at my working directory.)
557,204.
That's fully a quarter of my total output over eighteen years. I was looking through it last night and realizing just how much of it is missteps, abortive "Wouldn't it be cool if" stories, and a whole slew of scenes, snippets, and miscellany that I look over and tell myself that there's really nothing here, no dramatic tension, no literary value, not even decent erotic tension or revelation between many of the characters in the story.
Looking through my half-million words(!) of rubble, let's see: there's a story about the first starship designed to take dragons elsewhere, a germ of an idea about the Pendorians meeting a "United Federation" (a combination of Western libertinism, puritanism, and missionary zeal, Russian economics, Soviet organization, Arabian hospitality, and Chinese civil government; with just barely enough magical tech to keep median living standards marginally above early 21st century American upper class norms, with a teleological horror of "improvement" and "technological advancement," a society which actively works to restrain science from improving the human, uh, ritan model), a dead starship full of dead greys (which may harm Silver Rayne's chances), a novellette riff on The Machine Stops and The Naked Sun with rebellious teenagers, Sterlings (crud, that's 140,000 words right there, ain't it?), a Misuko & Linia vs. Cthulhu outing, a Brave New World riff, a Bottle City of Kandor riff, a mermaid story, Robots of the Deep vs. The Vampire Girl of Fallow Five, two different Encompassment stories, a discovery of who Pendor is at war with, a pair of Hell Simulation stories, some interstellar politics, a (really bad and not likely to see the light of day) riff on The Matrix that's another Hell Simulation story, a couple of Aaden, P'nyssa, and Wish stories, two Hellstrom's Hive riffs, and more!
And yet I can't seem to find most of this stuff interesting. I mean, when I look at some of these and see that the last time I touched them was three or four years ago, I wonder why I should bother.
Still, I have a couple ready for posting. I think my problem is simple: I find short stories easy, as long as their a particular kind of short story. In a post-abundance culture, the human animal has a problem: what do we do next, if anything? Many of my stories revolve around a simple theme: boys meets girl (or several other combinations) and convinces her (or him) that life is worth living, often appealing to various arbitrary atavisms (sex, food, whatever) for no other reason than that they're pleasurable and there's no reason to believe that post-transcendence pleasures will be any better.
It's when I break out into writing novels that I break out into a cold sweat. Novels are not in my comfort zone. And they shouldn't be. But I shouldn't be content to sit around in my comfort zone churning out porny love and redemption stories for the rest of my life. Which is why some of my work is reaching for that scale. It's just a little more intensive and nerve-wracking than what I usually do.
(Why is there no "whiny" mood?)
(Subject line explanation: In Toy Story, Buzz delivers that line, "You're mocking me, aren't you?" before he comes to realize that he is not destined for interstellar greatness but is, in fact, a limited, small, child's toy. It's a bit how I feel when I look at my working directory.)
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That's a lot of words!
Date: 2007-02-27 09:49 pm (UTC)Chances are that out of all your journal entries you've got at least a couple of really good ideas. If you don't like what you've written maybe you just need to approach the subject from a different angle. The most important question here is Who are you writing for? Are you writing for yourself? If so, take a step back and decide if what you have written is something you'd actually enjoy reading. Also, keep reading the types of books that you love... they're bound to rub off on you. You can't be a good writer if you're not an avid reader! A common misconception about writing is that it comes from "within". That's partially true but, more realistically, art is more about imitation. Think about that for awhile, and think about your approach when you very first started writing.
You say a lot of your stories are "boys meets girl (or several other combinations) and convinces her (or him) that life is worth living". I suspect that maybe your purpose for writing is to make a deeper connection with your readers. Maybe you're also looking for that boy meets girl connection yourself. If you really want to engage the public with your work, you ought to start a discussion. I would suggest picking a couple of your story ideas, fleshing them out a bit more, and then posting a poll based on the theme. Find out what people think of love, or the future, or fantasy. Ask specific questions, and get inside their heads. If my assumption was correct and you are in fact trying to forge a deep writer/reader relationship, you ought to make the effort to reach out. Find out what THEY think, don't just impose your own ideas. After some research, you can incorporate some of these feelings and ideas into your work. I think you'll find that it will help you get over yourself and really dive into something rich and meaningful. I hope some of these ideas are helpful. Keep writing, and keep searching for that connection.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 12:34 am (UTC)In my case, all my writing projects turn into novels, whether I want them to or not. I can't help it. I suspect this dovetails into my problem with finding an ending to my stories.
At least it's not in printed, handwritten form, which is what I used to churn out year after year because that was how my creative process worked best. I'd sit down at a keyboard and couldn't think of a thing to write, but put a pen in my hands and paper on a clipboard in front of me, and from out of nowhere comes a story... which turns into a novel, every damned time.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 09:52 am (UTC)Since you asked...
Date: 2007-02-28 07:15 pm (UTC)Because all of the emo-kids blogs would make it explode.... :)
Joshua Sasmor
http://people.setonhill.edu/sasmor