Painful realization

[elfs]

Do you remember the Twisted Sister video "We're Not Gonna Take It?" (If you don't, YouTube remembers.) It's the one with a father confronting his son, who looks to be maybe fourteen or fifteen, with the rant "Who are you? What are you? You do nothing, you are nothing, you sit in here all day and play with that sick, repulsive electric twanger! I carried an M-16 and you, you carry that, that, that guitar!"

I have reached the age where I have more sympathy for the father than I do for the kid.

Comments

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

I might have a little sympathy for the kid; I've got none for the father. He's domineering, autocratic, insulting, and yet I presume was dumb enough to let the kid have the electric guitar in the first place, knowing he didn't like it and it would be a source of friction between himself and his son.

Fortunately, present company is a heck of a lot better dad than that, judging from the results...

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

I've always felt the same way on that one. If you're going to act like that, expect your kid to rebel against it.

[fallenpegasus]

In an interesting twist and reversal, and a slap to the boomers, I am hearing about kids who volunteer for the armed forces, and their parents (children of "flower power" and vietnam era anti-war protests) have stopped speaking to them for doing so.

It's one of those things that is obvious in retrospect. It's a pity that no SF author twigged to it happening before it actually did.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[jenk]

It was a sitcom instead - Family Ties :)

[lisakit.livejournal.com]

Ironically enough it's one of the best fight songs I've heard. And I love it for dancing out my anger.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[velvet-wood.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Anyone who would yell at a child in such a manner is entirely a non-sympathetic character to me. Verbal/emotional abuse is still abuse, and the kid wasn't _doing_ anything but sitting on his bed playing his freaking guitar. The little fit he threw making the room messy so he could criticize it? That's one of the biggest indicators of an abusive personality, and if the child didn't rebel, it would mean that the poor kid had already been completely broken by the abuse.

Besides, my kids are _way_ more ambitious than I am. My youngest is plotting world domination. (Seriously, the other day when she went out to play with her friends, she said, "Bye! I'm off to collect my minions!") My eldest currently wants to be a research-scientist/astronaut/writer/nuclear physicist. They're both way, way less lazy than me, too, and the eldest is developing a really impressive set of moral values, including the understanding that being part of a society involves social responsibilities. They didn't get that from me screaming at them and telling them they're worthless, you can be damned sure of that.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

I don't want to give the impression that I agree with the over-the-top manner and delivery. Obviously, the father in this comedy video created the situation in which he now finds himself and gets his deserved comeuppance by the end of the video. But it's a simple fact of life that Dee Snyder, the lead singer, has long since cut his hair and gone respectable almost entirely on behalf of his own kids. I've reached the age where instead of being the kid who wants to get out from the autocratic thumb, I'm the parent who wishes the kid were just a bit more responsible.

Besides, there are ways of breaking a kid that don't involve any yelling or hitting at all. Omaha and I worry because, at nine, Yamaraashi-chan rebels so damned rarely. We worry that we didn't get her out of there in time. *Sigh*.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I've found that nine and ten are the lull before the storm that is adolescence.

Don't worry about her lack of rebellion. My nines have all been very good, eager to please, and well behaved. (I've had 2 there and number 3 is at that stage now.)

As with everything in parenting: this, too, shall pass

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[velvet-wood.livejournal.com]

I was horrified the first time I snapped, "Because I said so, that's why!" But not because I sounded like my parents -- because I _didn't_. My parents never once told me I could or couldn't do something simply because they said so. They always made an effort to make sure I understood the reasons behind the rules, because they believed (correctly) that if I didn't agree with the reasons there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell I'd actually obey them. :)

Since it worked (by my definition, granted), that's what I try to do, but it's amazing how easily "Because I said so!" pops out when you get frustrated. I just try to go back later once the 'crisis' is over and explain the why's of it all. Not necessary in the case of my son to get him to keep obeying (pleasing parental authority is enough for him), but dead necessary for my daughter, who will simply smile sweetly, agree with everything you say, and then do what she wants _anyway_, if she decides its worth the potential punishment. So the only way to get her to behave in so make sure she really, deeply _understands_ the reasons for the rules and believes that yes, they do actually still apply to her.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[velvet-wood.livejournal.com]

I've reached the age where instead of being the kid who wants to get out from the autocratic thumb, I'm the parent who wishes the kid were just a bit more responsible.

Hmm. Maybe I don't feel the same because I was never under an autocratic thumb. I wasn't a rebellious teenager in any real sense because there wasn't anything to rebel against. My parents were on my side, period, against the world, and love was unconditional in that, even if they disapproved of my choices, they were _my_ choices and they recognized that. I forget, sometimes, just how rare that is.

Besides, there are ways of breaking a kid that don't involve any yelling or hitting at all. Omaha and I worry because, at nine, Yamaraashi-chan rebels so damned rarely. We worry that we didn't get her out of there in time. *Sigh*.

Awww... I can see where that'd be terrifying. I kinda worried about my eldest in a similar way. He was just such a quiet little boy, and seemed unnaturally eager to please, and he couldn't stand for anyone to be disappointed in him. I was worried that maybe Shay and I had totally screwed up somehow -- maybe we were too quiet and that made him timid, or something. He stayed timid until he was about six, when his little sister started to get old enough that she was a 'person' to him instead of a baby. I don't think he ever would have learned that disagreement wasn't something to be afraid of if he'd stayed an only child, but with her there contantly disagreeing with him but just as constantly loving him more than anyone on earth, he finally got it. Now he talks back a bit _too_ much. :) But that's okay, I'd rather have a child who argues with me all the time than one scared to ever tell me his opinion. So maybe it's just not something that a parent can help with, and being with her sister (who doesn't seem insecure _at all_!) will gradually help her feel safe enough to open up.

[adaveen.livejournal.com]

*giggle:snort*
Coming out of lurkdom to express my sympathies. 40 is like that, I've found. Knees hurt, too tired for fun (peace & quite seems good enough), and kids suddenly become ungrateful.

[kenshardik]

Even as a teenager I had issues with "Fight For Your Right To Party" by The Beastie Boys. Partying isn't a right; it's a privilege.

And I never got invited to those kinda parties. Wonder why....

[halloranelder.livejournal.com]

It's rather disturbing when we starting discovering parts of our parents in the mirror.