On the other paws...
Jul. 4th, 2005 07:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfsLast night, after a day where I got the Eastern wall of the house all mowed and cleaned up, Omaha, Kouryou-chan and I drove over to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
j5nn5r and desirae's house for good cheer, moral support, excellent alcohol and excellent hottubbing (although not at the same time), really delicious barbecue, contributions of cold drinks and ice, and just a general good time. shastaw told us of her recent custody battles and we commiserated, pointed out where she should go for serious investigation in her own situation. Jenner too, was having a hard time dealing with his own family because, as the grown-up, he's the one whose duty it is to say to his relations, most of them younger and snottier than he, the phrase, "No, you can't have that."
It really seems to me that's the key to being an adult. Learn to use the phrase, "No, you can't have that" and its associates, "No, you can't do that," and just the simple, "No." Especially, "No, I won't do that for you. You want it? Do it yourself."
Being an adult means you're the center of resentment. Your relations, the ones who've grown up with a sense of entitlement, resent you for being the gatekeeper to their instant gratification. Your peers resent you for being the wet blanket who points out the consequences of their desires. And even those who don't know you resent you for having the temerity and the gall to believe that you know better than others. Well, you do.
And that's just about all there is to it.
j5nn5r and desirae's house for good cheer, moral support, excellent alcohol and excellent hottubbing (although not at the same time), really delicious barbecue, contributions of cold drinks and ice, and just a general good time. shastaw told us of her recent custody battles and we commiserated, pointed out where she should go for serious investigation in her own situation. Jenner too, was having a hard time dealing with his own family because, as the grown-up, he's the one whose duty it is to say to his relations, most of them younger and snottier than he, the phrase, "No, you can't have that."It really seems to me that's the key to being an adult. Learn to use the phrase, "No, you can't have that" and its associates, "No, you can't do that," and just the simple, "No." Especially, "No, I won't do that for you. You want it? Do it yourself."
Being an adult means you're the center of resentment. Your relations, the ones who've grown up with a sense of entitlement, resent you for being the gatekeeper to their instant gratification. Your peers resent you for being the wet blanket who points out the consequences of their desires. And even those who don't know you resent you for having the temerity and the gall to believe that you know better than others. Well, you do.
And that's just about all there is to it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 09:06 am (UTC)I have often summed up being an adult as the personification of accountability. To be an adult, we must hold ourselves accountable for every action and word that comes from ourselves, and when I say accountable, I mean fully accountable for not only the action, but the actions which are spawned from the original action.
As for being the center of resentment, I agree with you, and must ask.. is it hard for you as well? To be morally righteous has been testing for me on the best of days, and being 21, I'm finding myself to be the only one amongst my peers who hold rectitude and integrity above all else in my life. This has left me with little frame of reference, and little understanding of where this leads, and what is the righteous method of expressing that part of me. Mostly, I allow others who are not in my direct scope of responsibility do as they wish, with simple, soft warnings.. though more often than not, I feel much like Gene Wilder in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" quietly speaking "I wouldn't do that if I were you..." then watching as Augustus Gloop gets lodged in the tube.
-Dallas
ugly@imaspy.com
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 10:07 pm (UTC)What this mostly comes down to is simple wisdom: in those parts of the world where there is enough food and water and sufficient housing, most suffering is self-inflicted. It doesn't seem to matter if they're secular or deeply theistic, people who aren't going through daily angst and anguish have a grip on something, and I think it's mostly on the ability to look ahead at the consequences of a decision and say, "No."
Is it hard? I don't think so. Not after having lived with the alternative, which I have. Most of the suffering I have to put up with now is from self-inflicted damage a decade past, and I'll be living with it for a while still. It was a hard lesson, but worth it.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-06 12:10 am (UTC)this, and immediately thought about your observation about adulthood.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-06 02:46 am (UTC)