I hate when this happens

[elfs]

So, two nights ago, I had an idea. I awoke in the middle of the night and wrote it down, then went back to sleep. This morning, I fleshed it out. I've noticed that fantasy seems to go in cycles: for a while, it's dark themes and vampires, then heroism and monsters, then surrealism and cthuloid horrors, then on again. I'm hoping I'm right and heroism and monsters are on the rise.

The Sun, The Moon, and The Dragons

Preface

I was twelve when the dragons came for my father. A survivor described it to mother. I wasn't supposed to hear, but nothing could have stopped me. Nothing has ever stopped me. One of the maids had herded me into my bedroom and bed, but after she was gone I slipped out of bed, pulled on my darkest robe, and ran in bare feet on cold floors to my father's study.

A man's voice described the attack. Five dragons had come-- one mage, two swords and two arrows. Dragons are precise and predictable in that fashion. They had attacked on the borderfront between Coisland and Vodanka during the ascent to the top of the high pass. The mage had cast a spell that darkened the minds of my father's guards. My father had had his own spells ready but that hadn't mattered. The arrows had appeared out of the darkness, up close, and cast their vile flames so close they had been injured themselves. The arrows then wheeled away, the swords descended upon the caravan and tore my father to shreds.

It had been the arrows' willingness to be so close that had taken the defenders by surprise. Arrows cast their burning spit from a distance and swords rarely got close enough to them to be injured. The four dragons had been willing to face the heat of their own flames, to take their own wounds from their own weapons, to kill one man. They had believed-- we all had believed-- that my father could push back the war, could win a peace. And so the dragons had killed him.

I was sixteen when the dragons came for me.

I'm looking at this and already thinking of improvements. It actually needs to be both shorter and punchier, more brutal, while preserving the heroine's voice. (Not even sure about her name yet, except that it's going to be vaguely French-sounding.)

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, other than that the Dragons are basically your social Darwinist types, this world's not big enough for both species, that kind of thing, and the humans are split between those seeking peace and those who know there will never be such.

All I know is that I need to read a lot more fantasy before I go anywhere.

Comments

[mg4h.livejournal.com]

Ooooooh.

/em sits down to wait.

[spiralsong.livejournal.com]

Ooooooooo is right.

Sounds really nifty already. I can't wait.

[sarekofvulcan.livejournal.com]

*shiver*

Looking forward to the rest of it. :-)

Don't read more fantasy

[(Anonymous)]

So much fantasy nowadays is cookie cutter and insipid (its like literate AOR - album oriented rock). After reading Aimee, I have no doubt that you can write exceptional fantasy without having to trudge your way through anything.

[mundens.livejournal.com]

Just a "me too" on both themes. It's got enough pull to make me want to read more, and why read more fantasy?

Some of the best effects I've read in fantasy have come from someone writing a different style. For instance Chris Rowleigh's (sp?) "Basil Broketail" series gets most of it's punch from the fact that it's really military SF set in a fantasy world.

I really like the implication I got from that text that dragons are to be feared, not necessarily because of their abilities but because of their competence. I like the military team-work displayed. Modern human special forces are like that, they'll take calculated risks to achieve a military objective.

Personally I've always like the idea of good military fantasy, the idea of applying "Combined Arms" (CA) concepts to fantasy units.

Here's a freebie for you if it fits the rest of your ideas:
A flying creature (like an intelligent dragon) taking "strings" (so-called because several troops hold on to/attach themselves to one rope) of ground troops in to assault a castle clandestinely. No ladders, no grapples, just a group of men cutting/releasing ropes as their flying creature transport glides quietly over the battlements in the dark. Sure there'll be some casualties from those that let go at the wrong moment or land badly, but that's always the risk with airborne assault, isn't it?

Nice...

[zornhau.livejournal.com]

It's suffering a surfiet of "had" (I'd think about dropping into straight past tense when the man's narrative begins), but really very compelling.

I followed the link from rec.arts.sf.composition where you wrote;

>I hate when this happens. And it happens WAY too often.
>Why can't I ever apply Heinlein's second rule of writing?

I know this feeling of old, but seem to have found a way around it.

Perhaps like me you're not an organic writer. If so, rather than writing from the inside like Stephen King, you need to work down from the (in this case, breath-taking) high concept.

Humbly (since I'm not in print yet) suggest you read Robert McKee's "Story" which appears to be industry standard for the Hollywood scriptwriters and pretty much covers building story structure top-down.

Good luck. Hope you finish this one. It's nice to see dragons as the bad guys.
Z

[remus-shepherd.livejournal.com]

As written, it's 279 words. Call it a short-short. 'I was sixteen
when the dragons came for me' is a terrific *ending* line, full of pathos
and meaning. Add some character development in the middle, if you want to
reach the classic short-short goal of 500 words.

Short-shorts aren't something you can sell, but that doesn't mean they're not worth writing. Just my opinion. :)

Cinquenta

[(Anonymous)]

Or you could cut it further and make a good cinquenta of it.
( http://www.nbarnes.easynet.co.uk/50/ )