Crisis of Writing...

[elfs]

So, I'm having this crisis of will, if you will, when it comes to my writing. I'm not entirely sure why, but for the past couple of weeks I've been butted up against two distinctly different emotions, neither of which has been very productive.

On the one hand, I'm starting to think that a lot of my current crop of ideas would make damn fine novels. Madships, Manumission, The Rock of the Cat, Empire, Embrace, Extinguish, and Janae are all novel-length, even serial-length ideas.

On the other hand, I'm intimidated by the prospect of actually writing a novel. The last three novels I wrote were straightforward, plot-driven things, but the authors I really admire don't just write great plots, they write fabulous, multi-layered, multi-themed wonders that I feel I'll never get close to matching. Every time I think about writing, say, Manumission in its entirety, I read a book like Use of Weapons (about which I recently commented) or Singularity Sky, which shows me how it should be done and I go back to quailing against the rising notion that, hey, I can write a book too. Once upon a time, I knew "I could do better than that," and I like to think that I was part of the small cadre' that, if we didn't succeed at banning really bad fiction from the net's erotica banks, at least we raised the bar and demanded a certain amount of skill. But "I can do as well as..." against the people I admire and adore... that's hubris I don't know that I feel.

The very idea that, in the final analysis, I might be as bad as S.M. Stirling or Kevin J. Anderson, leaves me feeling as if I might be sitting on a porcupine, rather than a good idea for a novel.

Comments

[shadowfey.livejournal.com]

That sort of crisis of self-esteem is one I've faced before, and I've come to the conclusion that the only real way past it is to write past it. (Logically, this makes sense; it's only through continuing to write that we really ever do improve or broaden our skillset.)

I don't think it's hubris to state that you're going to try to attain that level of skill. It's only hubris to state that you are 'the greatest'. And, really, you should know that you're certainly a /good/ writer; you are a coherent writer, which does not always match up to being a good one, but certainly means you've got the basic skills necessary to be or become one.

Saying that you 'will' do 'as well as' might be necessary for you; I don't know. But you can certainly say that you hope to achieve that level of skill, and in the meantime you are practicing your craft.

Just my two cents, y'know? I know the panic of 'I don't think I'll ever be able to reach that'. It's very discouraging, and it's hard (for me, at least) to believe the people who like what I write and want to see more. It's as if by liking my stuff they're automatically biased in their judgment. But I have to at some point take it on faith that there is enough of something in my writing which is 'good' that it's not a flash in the pan.

I would say by now that time and your output and reader response have proven that you have that something. It isn't a waste of your time to keep polishing it.

Working through

[(Anonymous)]

This is exactly the sentiment that got me through my thesis... I wasn't writing to be the next Field's medal winner, I was just writing the next theorem, the next result, the next example. Distilling the best of what _I_had_ to put onto the paper. It's not groundbreaking, or ring-shattering :) but it's _mine_.

Joshua C. Sasmor

[elfs.livejournal.com]

I guess my problem is that I've always perceived my limitations as solid, and haven'nt tried much to get past them. It's something I want to do, but I guess visualizing how to get there is harder than I thought.

Besides, I hate doing re-writing. I do it if it's needed; some stories have been through four or five re-writes. But doing that on a novel is, well, intimidating.

[shadowfey.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. I'm with you there. I very often put something aside to age since I can't usually rewrite at the time of completion; I need a little space before I can do so. The bigger it is, the harder it is for me to edit it then and there. But if I put it aside, the difficulty is working my way back to it.

I've found having a beta helps, but obviously that requires finding one who's reliable and that you can work with - who has the skills for the job. Not always as easy as all that.

Limitations are rarely solid, though. Even when they're there, very often there's a way around them. Using myself as an example, I'm fairly seriously hearing-impaired, which though I love music has hindered my ability to /make/ music; thanks to programs like ModPlug and similiar, I can compose and score music of my own (which I have done).

While I'm not saying that they're going to develop an 'Enhance Writing' genetic patch, I would say that there's ways. If you're having trouble visualising, start by verbalising exactly what it is you want to achieve and then asking for input? It doesn't need to be in as open a forum as this.