Protection From Elves Week, 2003

[elfs]

Protection From Elves Week, 2003
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation

Elves can have debilitating effects on communities, marriages, families, and children. During Protection From Elves Week, we commit to take steps to confront the dangers of elves.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE DUBYA, President of the Christian Nation of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 26 through November 1, 2003, as Protection From Elves Week. I call upon public officials, law enforcement officers, parents, and all the people of the United States to observe this week with appropriate programs and activities.

Comments

[sillydragon.livejournal.com]

I think I'll celebrate this week with the viewing of the most raunchy piece of debauchery I can find commited to tape or DVD. }:)

[yarnaddict.livejournal.com]

sillydragon gave me a great idea. I think I'll celebrate the week by revisiting all of my favourite adult fic sites on the 'net.

[shadowfey.livejournal.com]

May I gack that for my own LJ? I think everyone needs to know about the dangers which elves present to the viewing public.

What next - just think. With elves portrayed in such a popular light in the public media (cf. Orlando Bloom's portrayal of Legolas in the blockbuster series adapted from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings (c), The Two Towers (c) and The Return of the King (c)), our children are at a serious risk.

If they should choose to emulate this pagan idolatry of a lifestyle, they too will be seen in public places, wearing gelatin ears! And what can we deduce from the behaviour of these unchristian individuals?

Robin Goodfellow : also known as Puck. Openly operates under a false name, boasts of his malicious behaviour towards god-fearing, upright citizenry.

Legolas Greenleaf : deliberately incites lust and other Satan-inspired thoughts and behaviour in those who view him and his pants (the trousers in this instance must be treated as a separate entity, working in unison with Mr. Greenleaf to tear down Christian morals). That he routinely can be found shunning urban development and instead running around in the woods with other men, and no women, is very highly suggestive.

Tinkerbell : willingly aids and abets a group of renegade children in their attempts to thwart authority and responsibility - gang activities aside, Satanic rituals and drug use are suspected. Perhaps there are links to brujeria cults.

I urge you, my fellow citizens, these and other examples must be ended! For god's sake, think of the children, the dear, sweet, innocent children, whose lives will be shattered if we continue to allow this silent acceptance of elves and all that they stand for!

...

Ahem. Putting my pointy ears back ON, now...

Reminds me of something long ago...

[(Anonymous)]

There is an Elf comic out there had the elves as sex-mad bisexuals, in a very understated between the lines kind of way. And they all had this vaguely 1970s wakka-wakka guitar look. Hmmmm.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

I think you missed it by one letter. We need PROTECTION FROM ELVIS. Elvis had a notorious effect on the libidos of minors in the 50s, and his work is still around, in visual as well as auditory form. We must suppress this filth. PROTECTION FROM ELVIS!

[solarbird]

Oh god, not again.

-_^

[antonia-tiger.livejournal.com]

And all the Shrub needs to do to create a new TLD on the global internet is to sign legislation....

I can see why the idea of a "safe" .kids TLD is a tempting idea, but I'm not an American, I'm not the sort of Christian who goes bananas about things like Halloween, and I wouldn't want to let a bunch of foreign fundamentalists to decide what was safe for any kids I was responsible for.

I'm not sure about the local nutcases, but at least I have the chance to argue with, and vote against, them.

Well, didn't _that_ work out nicely...

[norikos-author.livejournal.com]

Vel and I ran a workshop on writing sex scenes last night. Appropriate, I think.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't forget Secret Spells Barbie (http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object.cgi?object=/gate/pictures/2003/10/29/secretspellsbarbie.jpg&paper=gate&file=notes102903.DTL&directory=/g/a/2003/10/29&type=morford) in the list of pagan attacks on uprighteous people.

But you may certanly gack away.

Halloween is all about the Good Neighbors

[maggledy.livejournal.com]

Or the Gentry, as some call them (if you're Irish!).

I had an interesting conversation with the mother of my kid's classmate. I'm one of the fools who volunteered to help with the Halloween party for her second grade class. She was saying that some folks had told her they disliked this holiday because it is "too Pagan." I told her Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and that I saw a lot of good messages in it. I live in the deeps of white bread America (Columbine High is about 2 miles thataway), I'm surrounded by comfy yuppies, many of them fundamentalist. I try to talk about a lot of my odd ways simply to shake them (especially the kids!) out of their hardened habits. They don't seem to think much, just rearrange their prejudices or apply them to new things.

Halloween is about using your ingenuity and creativity, imagining yourself as someone or something else, and conquering fear. It's also about occasionally allowing yourself to be free of your normal constraints and rules, and allowing disorder to rule once in awhile. On a deeper level it's about renewal and letting go and death as part of life. I think these messages are just as positive as the Christmas message of giving and goodwill to others.

I'm dressing as a fairy (again).