Moody

[elfs]

I shouldn't be writing this. My wrists have hurt for the past four days. Some kind of tendonitis, probably caused by my holding my hands in a bad position again. I've re-arranged my desk to make yet more ergonomic, tried to swap the CTRL and CAPSLOCK keys but couldn't survive it (sorry, Jamie, but some habits are hard to kill, even when they've supplanted an older, better habit you're trying to revive), and optimized my macro collection to make typing easier.

But nothing beats the beast called Write, that demands its 3,000 words a day whether my wrists ache or not. And so I write on, trying to get the stories done, get them out the door. I haven't decided if I'm going to kill off Pali Nintendo (who?) yet. Probably not. It would make a point, but so would her long-term survival. Ah, well. I did do three thousand words. Typing doesn't seem to bother the wrists nearly as much as mousing, and that kinda pisses me off because I'd like to play some games this weekend if I have the time. Oh, well.

Went to Third Place last night and ran into jenkitty, jenk, gloriajn, taxqueen, technoshaman, and a few others whose names I can't remember. I'm afraid that with a crowd that big I flaked and retreated to the bookstore with the kids, where I bought Dorothy Dunnett's Niccolo Rising. I've only read the first two chapters so far, but the writing is absolutely first rate, the kind of suck-you-in storytelling that I only wish I could aspire to. Jen Kitty was absolutely adorable, as always, and the kids weren't nearly as great sources of chaos in the past. I like having them together; it means each has a good companion, someone close in age, in a household geared for their age, and they've learned to be, well, age-appropriate.

Had a great lunch with Omaha at Floyd's Place. We haven't gone there in a while. The service was atrocious but the food was wonderful, if a bit on the grealy side-- just what you want from that kind of place anyway. Gotta admit, she looks hot in a shirt just two sizes too small for her.

I've been meaning to meander on about something that's been bugging me recently. My libido seems to have disappeared. I'm sure it's around here somewhere. I suspect that part of it is the ongoing strain of meeting all of my existing responsibilities, as a father, as an employee, as a homeowner, as a husband: Omaha and I go to bed each night so exhausted we barely have the strength to nuzzle, much less fuck. I can write because writing takes no energy-- it's something that happens as naturally as breathing and happens in the interstices between events, in the time when I literally cannot do anything else except maybe read.

nbarnes recently said, "I've see you be completely oblivious to some very hot people throwing themselves at you." I'm not completely oblivious. I am aware, if only because Omaha points it out to me afterwards, that there are some very lovely people who've made passes I missed the first time. I have one lover with whom I've consistently had great sex with for the past few years, and two others have recently come into my life and come right to say, "I'd like to fuck you." And I took them up on the offer. But cautiously.

Because it's not just that I have no time. Really, it's true that I have no time. But, and I hope nobody takes this the wrong, I also have so very little trust left. Once upon a time I could let down my guard and just fuck, knowing that I was being defensive against the insensate, y'know, germs that don't care. But now I know in the most visceral manner possible, in a way of which I am reminded every day, that there are people out there who view me not as a friend and a companion and a possible source of pleasure, but as prey.

Some days, staying in the cocoon feels like the very best idea.

I wrote 1,200 words today.

Comments

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Have you thought about any of the speaking software for your writing? I had a co-worker that used to code with it. Fairly odd to hear him in the other room.

[jenkitty.livejournal.com]

My libido seems to have disappeared.

Um, I think I got hold of it. Sorry.

*passes the Aleve for your wrists* works for me when they're acting up.

And I hope I don't have to say it... but you've never been prey to me. Maybe a delightfully handsome pool of lusty energies I wanted to immerse myself in, but never prey. *hugs*

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Straight aspirin seems to do it very well and very effectively for me, mostly because of the anti-inflammatory qualities.

As for the whole "prey" thing, you know, consciously you can tell me that and I believe it, but that's a little too late for my scarred psyche. I've had one woman take advantage of me and almost wreck my family in the process so that she could have what she coveted. I'm doing whatever I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Sometimes that means standing down.

[jenkitty.livejournal.com]

*nods* I can understand that line of reasoning. I've engaged in it myself for years.

It makes me sad to see a friend hurting. I wish I could do more than just offer hugs and support, but those at least are yours for the taking.

[fallenpegasus]

Gotta admit, she looks hot in a shirt just two sizes too small for her.

Yes, I've noticed.

[gloriajn.livejournal.com]

It was great seeing you last night. It's certainly been a while. I especially appreciated being able to talk to you about Linux!

My libido seems to have disappeared. I'm sure it's around here somewhere. I suspect that part of it is the ongoing strain of meeting all of my existing responsibilities, as a father, as an employee, as a homeowner, as a husband...

Do you think another cause could be medication? I know that after I started taking Ritalin, my sex drive went out the window. Sure, there are other causes, too. At the same time, I know that sometimes, medication can, indeed, be the culprit.

[jenk]

Do you think another cause could be medication?

Not that Elf is likely on birth control pills, but they *always* decreased my interest in sex. Antihistimines dry out more than just my nose. Changes in stress, sleep habits, eating habits, and weight fluctuation can affect libido too....

[elfs.livejournal.com]

I think it's stress. I'm not on any medication right now, although I suspect my doc will subscribe some anti-inflammatories for the wrists next week.

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

You've only got so much energy to work with, and stress takes more energy to handle. So if one facet of your life is sucking energy, everything else will suffer. Sleep, concentration, emotional sibido, the wish to do fun stuff.

As for the wrists, definitely get an ergo keyboard. I use a Kinesis Contoured, which has the added amusement of watching anybody else try to do work on my system. And get a pair of wrist braces. My husband has a pair that have cushions for the heel of the hand and wrist plus stabilizers to straighten the wrist properly. He uses them while working on the laptop, says they make life hugely easier.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

I can't use an ergonomic keyboard. They actually make my wrists get worse. I'm not a QWERTY typist; I use Dvorak. So my wrists are already at a much more natural angle to the keyboard than yours might be when sitting at the computer. The whole point of a Dvorak is that the home row is more accessible to the hands and fingers and the more common symbols, such as quotes and things, are at the peripheries, but the least common stuff, like 'z' and ';' and such, are actually harder to get to. If I use an ergo, my wrists are bent inwards at a very unnatural angle.

My doc told me not to use wrist braces for any extended period of time. If my wrists ache away from the keyboard, I can use them for an hour or so, but any longer and the muscles in my wrists atrophy and I need them to be strong to support what I do. I'm not to use them during typing, period.

I have an appointment next Wednesday for more extensive examination. Let's hope it's nothing too serious.

[sarabande7.livejournal.com]

It appears I've been beaten to the punch on most of this, but I'll say mine anyway.

As a pianist, a percussionist, and someone who works quite a bit with computers, I spend a lot of time stressing my wrists. (6-8 hours a day of music alone.) So far I've managed to avoid problems by being a good musician at the computer keyboard.

While I do know some people who've had success typing in bilateral wrist braces (the kind with a hard support, not that neoprene shit) I don't like them myself. I find they put more stress on the smaller, intrinsic muscles of the hand, and only cause more problems down the road. I heartily agree with your doc about not using them to type.

I have no use for "ergonomic" keyboards, and especially not for those wrist-rests that get placed in front of keyboards. putting your wrists down (again) puts the pressure on the intrinsic muscles, and also increases the stress on the extensor tendons and the muscles that operate them, located on the backs of your forearms. This is simply BAD NEWS.

If your wrists are hurting, here's the only thing I can recommend (aside from anti-inflammatories, and ice): Try holding the keyboard on your lap. Seriously. This will put your shoulders down and back, bend the elbow to 90 degrees, and it will place your hands directly above the home row, with the wrists at neutral, instead of tilted slightly up, as they tend to be when the keyboard is on a desk surface. It is that backtilted wrist that seems to cause most repetitive motion injury related to typing.

Admittedly, I am quite short, so I don't rightly know where the desk hits you, but I often sit high with a footrest, and when the forearms start to go, I still put the keyboard in my lap.

Good luck. Don't type cold, but when you're all done, do ice your wrists if they hurt you.

one more thing

[sarabande7.livejournal.com]

Having the keyboard lower and closer takes a bit of getting used to -- you might feel like your hands are too high above the keys. However, as outlined previously, this is actually ergonomically correct. If you think about it, you've never seen a pianist play with his wrists below the deck of the keyboard. (And if you have, they were doing something very special, or very wrong.)

Also, if you have a straight backed chair at your desk, placing the keyboard in your lap is nice to your back and shoulders. It forces posture but also allows you the benefit of your chair's back support. It's rather comfortable to be able to sit straight and lean back at the same time. In fact, even if you are tall enough to place the keyboard on your desk and still come at it from above, compare the feeling (in your back and neck) of reaching forward from the shoulder to that of sitting with your shoulders down and upper arms straight at your sides.

Pianists sit away from the instrument primarily because we need to be able to apply force, and because the keybaord is 4 feet wide end to end. You're working over about 11 inches, on an instrument with, shall we say, a very light action. Spare your back and arms some effort, and get your wrists in the air.

No help on the mouse, though. I'm lefty, and I use mine pretty much all backwards.
Let us know what the doc says. (I for one am curious.) And I really hope the week up till now has seen an improvment for you. Hand pain sucks. Best of luck.