I screwed up my courage, and...

[elfs]

So, I tried to write on the bus. I'd written 1400 words on the way up to Seattle in the morning and I was hoping to reproduce that on the way home. But, no, I get seated next to yet another nosy person. I mean, the bus isn't even full and she has to sit next to right next to me. She was the sort of woman who thinks she looks good in faux leopard prints and who thinks she smells nice wearing half a bottle of eau d' urinal cake. She was reading a book called We Who Are Called: Forgotten Heroes of America's Christian Heritage, and the chapter she's reading is about John Birch.

And she keeps trying to read over my shoulder. It's a nice, quiet scene between two characters from whom you've never heard, but she keeps leaning over. And I don't mean "peeking." No, she's leaning in to look closely.

I finally had enough. I said, "Miss, if you don't stop looking over my shoulder, I shall start writing violent homosexual pornography. If that doesn't put you off, I shall add bestiality to the plot. If that doesn't put you off, I shall have to ask for your phone number."

There were some shocked looks, and one woman who knows me reasonably well laughed. She's seen how frustrated I get when people read over my shoulder. Anyway, leopards-print woman harrumphed and went back to her book, but she still peeked over my shoulder from time to time. So I switched to hacking an HTML parser.

Comments

[kenshardik]

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it was it was a combination of things. She looked like an easy target. I was really cranky after the whole day at work. And I've put up with crap like that so freakin' often and had such a good morning that I really resented her coming between me and, well, um, Kama and Ramus. I don't think it was courage so much as simply being finally, completely fed up with nosy busybodies.

It's been said....

[j5nn5r.livejournal.com]

Sure, f*ck with big people, badasses, bikers, killers, pimps, even crazy people. But never, don't you ever, f*ck with someone who just doesn't care anymore.

You meanie. She had it coming.

You are my hero too.

[mouser.livejournal.com]

"Miss, if you don't stop looking over my shoulder, I shall start writing violent homosexual pornography. If that doesn't put you off, I shall add bestiality to the plot. If that doesn't put you off, I shall have to ask for your phone number."
I'm torn. On the one hand I think you should have said "I shall start writing MORE violent homosexual pornography."

On the other hand, I wish she had responded with "I dare you!"

Ah, well. Only the HTML parser wins.

[mitomi.livejournal.com]

Yet another good reason to read your journal. You say the kinds of things I only wish I had the courage to. :)

[polypolyglot.livejournal.com]

I bow to the master!

That SO rocks

[jenkitty.livejournal.com]

*cackles hysterically* I knew I liked you for more than just your studliness and geekitude...

Re: That SO rocks

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

/nods. Reminds me of Churchill... "Yes, madam, and you are ugly... but in the morning, I shall be sober."

Reminds me of the dude contfronting the street preacher on the MTA in Boston... in his best Linda Blair: "Soooooo, I see we're in the same business. Sooouls. Have you met your quota today?" *VBEG* Street preacher FLED, rest of the car gave him a Standing O.

Re: That SO rocks

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

No clue. All's I know was this one was on the T until rendered otherwise by our hero.

[antonia-tiger.livejournal.com]

Sounds like it could be an interesting story...

But I wouldn't have dared ask for her phone number.

[abostick59.livejournal.com]

Never, ever make a threat when you aren't prepared to carry it out.

So wonderful!

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

I might have used a very stiff tone and called her "madam", regardless of her age. Other than that, it's the most fabulous comeback I've heard of in ages. You are a hero.

Annoying Christian Fundies

[(Anonymous)]

Argh. This weekend, I was in a similar situation, but couldn't respond in kind.

I was eating with my family in a (mostly empty) restaurant, and we were seated next to a table of loud evangelical Christian fundies. They were talking about "being saved" this, and "ministering" that, and quoting Bible passages left and right.

I wouldn't have minded this so much, except 1) they finished their meals less than 5 minutes after we sat down, 2) they were quite loud, and 3) they got up approximately 15 seconds after we did. Which makes me suspect that they were trying to "minister" to us.

My family is Jewish/agnostic/atheist, and very scientifically oriented. I _wanted_ to talk to my father about some cosmology, but frankly, I didn't want to put my family into the crossfire of what would definitely have become an unpleasant "I must save your soul, you are being damned to Hell" dispute.

Why is it that a large proportion of Christian fundies, who presumably believe in all of the "turn the other cheek" stuff in the Bible, are so thoroughly obnoxious?