No change, and a Conversation with Sage
Oct. 24th, 2022 06:20 amStill in a holding pattern.
This morning, this Monday, the nurse came in at 5:50am to take my vitals, get a blood draw, all the usual things. In her cheery voice she said, “You made quite a bit [of bile] last night.” I asked how much. “Almost 700.” I asked when the last emptying of the canister happened. “Let’s see. Your chart says 10pm.” I did the quick math and said, “So in a little under eight hour, I made 700ml. That’s the normal output of a human body.” I’m afraid I then snapped at her. “That means I’m Not. Getting. Better!”
She said, “Sorry. I know it’s hard.”
Yeah, it’s hard. After she left, Sage said, “You know, it’s not helpful to be angry with her. She has no control over your healing or your pain.”
“It would be nice if the doctors could offer something other than hope, and tell me they have a procedure other than patience. The rig in my head is painful, a five almost all the time unless I lie on my side and am super careful and don’t swallow, so all the drool runs out in a puddle on the pillow. I’m taking to sleeping with a towel under my head to keep it out of my hair!”
“That’s not the point. You just said it yourself: only the doctors can do anything. The nurse is doing her job the best she can. It contributes not to her good life, and not to yours, to snap at her. Try to remember that.”
I promised I would.
This morning, this Monday, the nurse came in at 5:50am to take my vitals, get a blood draw, all the usual things. In her cheery voice she said, “You made quite a bit [of bile] last night.” I asked how much. “Almost 700.” I asked when the last emptying of the canister happened. “Let’s see. Your chart says 10pm.” I did the quick math and said, “So in a little under eight hour, I made 700ml. That’s the normal output of a human body.” I’m afraid I then snapped at her. “That means I’m Not. Getting. Better!”
She said, “Sorry. I know it’s hard.”
Yeah, it’s hard. After she left, Sage said, “You know, it’s not helpful to be angry with her. She has no control over your healing or your pain.”
“It would be nice if the doctors could offer something other than hope, and tell me they have a procedure other than patience. The rig in my head is painful, a five almost all the time unless I lie on my side and am super careful and don’t swallow, so all the drool runs out in a puddle on the pillow. I’m taking to sleeping with a towel under my head to keep it out of my hair!”
“That’s not the point. You just said it yourself: only the doctors can do anything. The nurse is doing her job the best she can. It contributes not to her good life, and not to yours, to snap at her. Try to remember that.”
I promised I would.
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