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javagoth's LJ:
Poly People I Can Do Without.
I disagree with the author's analysis about enablers only on one level: they don't all want to reserve the right to be like the abuser, as she seems to say. Instead, I think a lot of them honestly hope the abuser will change, or that each disaster, separated by time from the next, is a mere blip, a "rough patch" in history, and not indicative of a trend.
But more than that, enablers have a chunk of essential humanity that abusers don't. They view relationships as investments in time, personal energy, emotion. Nobody likes an investment, especially not one that costs soul, to go sour. The abuser has to make a lot of withdrawls against the common emotional account shared with each individual enabler before running into that red place where the enabler starts to realize that the relationship is one of enabler and abuser, and not a friendship after all.
javagoth's LJ:Poly People I Can Do Without.
I disagree with the author's analysis about enablers only on one level: they don't all want to reserve the right to be like the abuser, as she seems to say. Instead, I think a lot of them honestly hope the abuser will change, or that each disaster, separated by time from the next, is a mere blip, a "rough patch" in history, and not indicative of a trend.
But more than that, enablers have a chunk of essential humanity that abusers don't. They view relationships as investments in time, personal energy, emotion. Nobody likes an investment, especially not one that costs soul, to go sour. The abuser has to make a lot of withdrawls against the common emotional account shared with each individual enabler before running into that red place where the enabler starts to realize that the relationship is one of enabler and abuser, and not a friendship after all.
