My favorite recruitment call...

[elfs]

My favorite recruitment pitches always come from The Cobalt Group. I get about two a year, usually from someone who hasn't looked me up in their database. Today's call went something like this:

"Hi, Elf. I'm Sandy from The Cobalt Group. I came across an older copy of your resume' on-line and I was wondering if you were in the market?" I made some random noise to the effect that I'm willing to listen to the pitch. "Oh, good. Are you familiar with The Cobalt Group?"

"Yes," I said. "I was your very first programmer, back in 1995."

"You were?" They always sound genuinely surprised.

"Yes. Back when you were Cobalt Automative Resellers, I ran your original website. It was in a Sparc 20 under my desk that I kicked once in a while." (Along with MissingKids.org and GenieLift.com, come to think of it.)

"Oh. Well, we don't seem to have you in our list of hires."

"I was a contract worker. Cobalt had a long-term hosting relationship with NoVX Internet Hosting back then, which hired me out to you."

"Oh, that makes sense. Well, since you've worked with us before, would you like to work with us again? We have several Java openings."

"Sandy," I say, now sounding weary, "As much as I'd love to work for Cobalt again, I have no Java experience on my resume'. Why did you think I was a suitable candidate for a Java position?"

"I thought you said you had worked on our website."

"I did. In 1995. There was no Java in 1995. We were working in Perl back then. That's one of the foundational LAMP languages. I still work in the LAMP space, mostly with Python, Ruby, and Node these days. I wouldn't be a good candidate for a Java position right now." (This isn't actually true; I'm sure I could pick up the basics of Java in a week or two, and six months from now you'd never know I had never worked with it. But having done a few Java experiments, mostly with Spring, I'm convinced that Java verbose, excessive, and concentrates on solving the wrong problems when used for web application development.)

"Oh. Well, thank you for your time, then."

It happens like clockwork.  And it's always entertaining.

Comments

[blaisepascal]

There's something odd with that pitch...

They found your resume, which doesn't list Java or the Cobalt Group, and thought you'd be good enough to actually call.

So what position did they originally have in mind before getting distracted by your prior history with the company?

[jenbooks.livejournal.com]

You're assuming the recruiters actually pay attention to skills listed in the resume.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

A lot of recruiters don't know the difference between Java and Javascript, and a naive keyword search for "Java" often pulls it up. I've even gotten that, "Aren't Java and Javascript similar?" And when I try to tell them no, not only are the two languages different, but they come from completely different lineages (Java is an Algol descendant; Javascript is a Scheme descendant) and have almost nothing in common, their eyes metaphorically glaze over.

[pakraticus.livejournal.com]

A lot of managers on the interviews don't know the difference either.

[areitu.livejournal.com]

When a friend of mine looked for a job in Silicon Valley, he would vent to me daily, about just clueless most recruiters were about job requirements and candidate qualifications. You'd think recruiters in tech-savvy areas would figure these things out very quickly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_candide_/]

During my 2.5 year job hunt, I've been dealing more and more with recruiters who have very thick South Asian accents. Those firms either never get back to me, or drop the ball.

The entire software industry in the U.S. appears to be falling apart. The problem is, I love to program. I really enjoyed having a career developing software. But it's looking increasingly like I can't have one anymore.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Recruiters with think South Asian accents aren't really trying to hire you.

They're H1B "requirement matchers." Large US tech firms hire them when they have a specific overseas hire in mind, one person they want to import to the US, but can't due to H1B quota requirements. Those calls generate the requisite number of "refusal," "unavailable," or "not interested" responses for the firm to justify asking Immigration for an exception.