A man with an infant car-seat

[elfs]

This afternoon, as I was driving out for yet another collection of errands in the unending hurly-burly that was my life this day, I drove past a man driving into my neighborhood is his white SUV, and in the passenger seat there was a big box holding a brand new infant car-seat. And he had that dreamy, funny smile some guys get-- I hope I had it, once upon a time-- when a man a realizes suddenly that he's a father, and he has responsibilities for keeping his child safe, and he's doing his duty.

I've been thinking a lot about Sandra Tsing Loh's divorce recently. There's a lot to chew on in her essay, "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off," and I've been chewing like mad since she posted it three days ago. And one of the things I think she gets, but can't quite articulate, is the whole "stay together for the sake of the children" thing isn't a woman-pushed thing, it's a man-pushed thing.

I have this theory, ill-formed and still seeking coherence, that Americans, specifically, marry for the same frisson, on a different scale, that they get when playing the lottery or listening to Rush Limbaugh. More on that later.

But for the man in the car seat, he made me happy. I smiled a lot after seeing him, and enjoyed the next hour, thinking about another young man just starting out on one of the coolest little projects a human being can ever commit to.

And that attitude, "A cool project a man can commit 18 years to," is something that I try to bring to my stories.

Comments

[shunra.livejournal.com]

I look forward to reading your theory. I've been wondering about how marriage, American-style, is supposed to work. If it is.

[tagryn]

These were some interesting reactions/reviews of Loh's piece when it came out:

http://ironysupplement.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/the-banality-of-sandra-tsing-loh/

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-onthemedia17-2009jun17,0,6469832.column

http://gruntledcenter.blogspot.com/2009/06/sandra-tsing-lohs-divorce.html

http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/maybe-books-are-drag

http://local-or-express.blogspot.com/2009/06/sandra-tsing-loh-is-getting-divorced.html

The piece did have a heavy taint of her trying to work through her own immediate issues by cherry-picking this-and-that social science finding, rather than actually examining the issue with balance. As one reviewer said, though, her column appears normally in the AM's "Books" section, so an article just on her divorce wouldn't have fit.

[rowanf.livejournal.com]

But as we all know, the Sexually Open Marriage fizzled with the lava lamp, because it is just downright icky for most people.

Hmm. I'm glad I don't live in Sandra Loh's world. But I knew that after sitting through her appallingly boring one-woman holiday show a few years ago. Thanks to tagryn for the links to other's thoughts. I look forward to your thoughts on the matter. And cool story of the guy with the carseat. Made me smile too.

[areitu.livejournal.com]

"stay together for the sake of the children" thing isn't a woman-pushed thing, it's a man-pushed thing.

Now that you mention it, I've seen this before with my own parents. My "emotionally seperated" parents stuck together for my sister and I, and the push came from my father as I understand it.