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elfsViolet Blue has an article, Sex Ed in the UK is Actually About Sex, in which she praises the UK National Institute of Health for actually telling kids that the reason people have sex is because it feels good:
Most of them become sexually active because (now agreeing with Violet) they don't know anything about it, even as the boy, who probably knows only that little bit more about wanting tab A into slot B, is pressuring them, and they're too embarrassed to admit that they don't know anything about it to put on the brakes. Shame and embarrassment, not desire or anticipation of pleasure, are the most common emotions young women feel up to and after their first sexual encounter.
The New Yorker article is a fascinating exploration of why evangelical girls get pregnant a lot and why that's actually "okay" (in some sense) to most evangelicals: straying from the abstinence-only message is an expected, venal sin that ultimately adds to the congregation. It's such a weird, mindfucked world, I'm glad I'm not part of it.
I keep saying it over and over, but besides my 'abstinence is harmful' message that's starting to be heard, the fundamentals of sex ed fail because they're always (hysterically) avoiding the truth: that sex happens because it feels good. It's pleasurable on a lot of levels – that's why we go ecstatically crazy doing it when we get the chance to enjoy it. My fundamental belief is that sex ed needs to be taught by both scientific principles (health, reproduction) and by pleasure principles – so people of all ages can understand WHY they want to do the things they do.But I have to disagree in part with Violet's statement that "sex happens because it feels good." I am reminded of an important article that appeared in the New Yorker, Red Sex, Blue Sex, in which the author shows that, for example, evangelical teenage girls are the most likely to engage in premarital sex that leads to pregnancy and the least likely to believe that sex will be pleasurable. (Jewish girls, oddly enough, are the opposite: they hold off their "sexual debut" the longest of any group and yet they're most likely to anticipate that sex will be pleasurable when they finally do it.)
Most of them become sexually active because (now agreeing with Violet) they don't know anything about it, even as the boy, who probably knows only that little bit more about wanting tab A into slot B, is pressuring them, and they're too embarrassed to admit that they don't know anything about it to put on the brakes. Shame and embarrassment, not desire or anticipation of pleasure, are the most common emotions young women feel up to and after their first sexual encounter.
The New Yorker article is a fascinating exploration of why evangelical girls get pregnant a lot and why that's actually "okay" (in some sense) to most evangelicals: straying from the abstinence-only message is an expected, venal sin that ultimately adds to the congregation. It's such a weird, mindfucked world, I'm glad I'm not part of it.
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Date: 2009-07-20 10:25 pm (UTC)Me? I believe that nobody should be getting married by the government. The state has no business monkeying with a religious sacrament. As for those 1300+ rights-n-responsibilities that heteros currently get through the one-stop-shopping of the state marriage license, split 'em up.
Make everyone have to sign all 1300+ legal documents. Make it clear to anyone tying the knot just what they're getting into. And, while they're at it, they can also sign contracts spelling out what would occur if the Happy Couple ever split up. Lawyers who currently specialize in divorce could then become Marriage Lawyers, profitting from people's joy instead of misery, a win-win for them.
As for those couples who couldn't afford to hire a "marriage attorney" themselves, let them use the one from their church. After all, churches have enough money to fund political campaigns. So they have more than enough to keep a marraige attorney on retainer. (evil gryn)