By Gods, I love the Onion...

[elfs]

Yesss....

Struggling Lower-Class Still Unsure How Best To Fuck Selves With Vote

WASHINGTON – As election day nears, millions of the nation's poorest voters have reportedly yet to settle on the most profound and enduring way to completely fuck themselves over when they head to the polls this year.

Though such behavior appears to directly undermine their own well-being, lower-income voters have historically supported candidates determined to screw them six ways to Sunday, including Bill Clinton, who incarcerated them in record numbers and cut the welfare benefits many depended on for day-to-day sustenance, and George W. Bush, who widened the gap between them and the rich and sent thousands of them to die in Iraq. This year's election is reportedly unique in that the nation's poor must not only weigh how deeply and painfully their chosen candidate will penetrate their rectums, but must also consider unforeseen outside circumstances–such as economic collapse and terrorism–that might allow the next president to bend them over and brutally rape them in ways they never thought possible.

The latest polls indicate that a majority of lower-class citizens might choose not to vote at all Nov. 4, preferring instead to leave the details of how they get fucked to the moneyed classes.

Comments

[areitu.livejournal.com]

I'm going to give you ten million Zimbabwe dollars for pointing this one out.

As soon as I figure out where to get some.

[satyrblade.livejournal.com]

And again, we realize that The Onion and The Daily Show provide more accurate reporting than any other U.S. news source.

And in other news

[(Anonymous)]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/11/03/palin_punkd/

A pair of Canadians call Paylin while on the radio claiming to be the Frenc president. They even complement her on "Who's Nailin' Paylin?", a spoof porno film featuring guess who.