BDSM: A Lock Is Only As Strong As The Door that surrounds it.

[elfs]

I wish I could give credit, but I can't remember what podcast it was where I heard a woman say, "Having a safeword is like having a secret key." In the context, she was saying that having the key gave her the freedom to go into scary places, to explore it with all her heart, knowing that she had an out. It's a fairly sexy description of a safe word, and I understood what she meant.

A lock is only as strong as the door that surrounds it. The safety of the key is only valid if there's something even stronger protecting her should the key fail. In the BDSM community, that "thing" is

reputation.

Which is why I talk about BDSM openly. Which is why the only people I listen to talking about BDSM are those willing to talk about it openly. Anonymous commentary and abusive personalities hidden behind deep login pages and robots.txt blockages allow predators, manipulators, and the plain clueless to gnaw away at the structures of her (and all of our) safety.

Comments

[danceswithlife]

I have some book recommendations for you: _A Rational Arrangement_ by L. Rowyn. It was published recently, and the ebook is on sale right now. Regency-style society with a form of magic, and oversized sapient cats. In addition it includes polyamory with bisexual characters. I thought it was a great story.

Also, would be interested in your take on _Even the Wingless_ by MCA Hogarth. It's part of her pelted universe, but stands alone. It is a story where non-consensual BDSM resolves into a loving relationship, and the reasons why this happens are interesting and unusual. The politics of it has the potential to change a world as well as transforming the parties involved.

I hope all is well with you and your family.