My baby! My baby!

[elfs]

Sigh. I had this "great idea" for re-writing Honest Impulses as one of the Purpose Wars novels, the first one, in fact, and the novel was going along really well until I re-read the first draft.

There's a phrase in writing called "kill your babies." It means, figuratively, to double-check that your favorite scenes are actually serving the story and, if they aren't, no matter how clever and wonderful they may seem, no matter how much you love them, delete them.

This is my baby from the rough draft of Honest Impulses. It has to make it into the re-write. I just don't know how.

Misuko laughed. "So how's your recruit?"

"Shandy?" Linia cast a glance to the table where the young woman sat, alone as usual, with a plate that was suspiciously light for a girl so healthy-looking. "She's a great help. A good sense of texture and color, and she knows her spices like nobody else. She knows the difference between tandoori and tkunii. That is tandoori."

Misuko eyed the bright red chicken with the eye of an archeologist. Linia said, "Although, you know, I think she has a crush on you. She asks me lots of questions about you: what you like to eat, what you like to wear, how you learned to do what you do. She asks me almost as many questions about you as she does about cooking."

Misuko's eyes twinkled with a look Linia had rarely seen, a mischeiviousness emphasized by the way her cheekbones lifted with her smile. "She doesn't have a crush on me, Linia." She turned around. "Hey, Sam? Got a moment?"

"To share your air, Misuko, I always have a moment."

"Turn it down, Sam," Misuko said. "If you had to say that Shandy Oxenhollar had a crush on someone, who would that someone be?"

Sam glanced at Linia. "She doesn't see it?"

"You're not serious!" Linia said.

Misuko reached across the table to take Linia's hand. "Think about it, Linia. Right now, on this part of the trip, what are the two focusses of your life? Cooking, and me. I know, the other way around. But you understand what I mean, don't you? What does Shandy want to talk about with you? The things that interest you. She's not trying to get into my head, Linia, she's trying to get into yours."

Comments

Well, following a final reading...

[pandakahn.livejournal.com]

Well, following a final reading I don't see anything wrong with the scene as written. I must say that it is one of those short sections that makes me want to see how you got to this point and read till the end to get resolution.

I hate editing, and have a serious issue with rewriting anything that I have written. I can't let go of the crap even when I want to. I think the part I have a problem with is separating out the "moves the story along" stuff from the "wow! I am so damn clever with the words!" part.

I think the Linia/Misuko story arch would make a solid novella. I see possibilities that go far beyond what I saw when you first posted "Sterlings".

But, that could just be me.

MPK

At Least We Get to See It

[(Anonymous)]

At least I get to see a piece of the story here that may be missing later on. Honest * has been a favorite thread of mine.

Since you likely don't feel I'm qualified to tell you anything about writing I'll refrain from commenting on how it should remain, should be cut, or should be modified. It's a sweet scene though, and only if it leads to nothing (i.e. this "crush" isn't referred to or dealt with further) would it make no sense in the story.

Even as it is, it teaches a life-lesson about how people with crushes might operate, and why the OOA may not realize it - which alone should be a suitable raison d'etre for it.

DB_Story