Why can't I write like this all the time?

[elfs]

Two-day total:

readability grades:

Kincaid: 4.6

ARI: 4.9

Coleman-Liau: 8.6

Flesch Index: 86.6

Fog Index: 7.7

Lix: 28.2 = below school year 5

SMOG-Grading: 7.8

sentence info:

28027 characters

6778 words, average length 4.13 characters = 1.26 syllables

492 sentences, average length 13.8 words

47% (233) short sentences (at most 9 words)

12% (62) long sentences (at least 24 words)

66 paragraphs, average length 7.5 sentences

1% (9) questions

36% (182) passive sentences

longest sent 66 wds at sent 5; shortest sent 1 wds at sent 230

word usage:

verb types:

to be (234) auxiliary (88)

types as % of total:

conjunctions 5% (344) pronouns 18% (1250) prepositions 11% (739)

nominalizations 1% (39)

sentence beginnings:

pronoun (266) interrogative pronoun (10) article (27) subordinating conjunction (8) conjunction (23) preposition (13)