Human Virus Scanner

[elfs]

Human Virus Scanner

The virus that have infected you will be show here along with their cures, if known.

Viruses you suffer from:

• Pokemon: Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!
• Linux: Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.
• USA: Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]
• Junkfood: Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.
• Sci-fi: Stop wearing the stick-on ears.
• Free BSD: The GPL isn't that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.
• Goth: Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.
• Gaming: Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.
• Amiga: Gnome is better than workbench. BEOS is better than Amiga OS. The TV Modulator was a pain in the arse and an EXTERNAL power pack? I ask you. And it didn't have a built in MIDI port like some of its rivals.
• Religion: Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)
• 8-Bit: Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.
• UNIX: Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.
• Discordia: Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.
• vi: Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.
• Politics: Stop caring!
• Brand Names: Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.
• Hippyism: Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.
• Computer Games: Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.
• Conspiracy Theory: Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.
• Ultima: If you find one tell us.
• Environmentalism: Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.
• Macintosh: Use a mouse with more than one button.

Viruses you might suffer from:

• Cthulhu (60%): Read some Enid Blyton.
• Industrial (70%): Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.
• British (80%): No need for cure. Benign virus.
• Japan (90%): Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.
• X11 (60%): I hear Mac OS 10 Aqua is nice at this time of year.
• Prog Rock (60%): Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.