Reddit is a hotbed of the manosphere; there are plenty of reddit channels where MRA's and PUA's talk to each other about "the game" of picking up women and having sex with them, or not. And while there are many things I don't get about the whole "manosphere," but one of them that perplexes me the most is simply this: among the manospherians, two of the most popular books are Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Olivia Fox Cabane's The Charisma Myth.
Both of these books teach you how to be more charismatic, more sensitive, and more empathetic, and both of them start with this premise: "If you don't find other people interesting, they'll never find you interesting." Neither Carnegie or Cabane mean that in a superficial way: you have to like other people, you have to want to get to know other people in a validating way, you have to empathise with them and want to understand them better; you have to have their best interests at heart.
The game of putting notches on one's belt or bedpost is diametrically opposed to this kind of empathy. The idea is to get into a woman's graces immediately, to manipulate and control, and not to actually treat the other person as a human being. How is that Carnegie and Cabane both win high praises from the very people they could never countenance?
Both of these books teach you how to be more charismatic, more sensitive, and more empathetic, and both of them start with this premise: "If you don't find other people interesting, they'll never find you interesting." Neither Carnegie or Cabane mean that in a superficial way: you have to like other people, you have to want to get to know other people in a validating way, you have to empathise with them and want to understand them better; you have to have their best interests at heart.
The game of putting notches on one's belt or bedpost is diametrically opposed to this kind of empathy. The idea is to get into a woman's graces immediately, to manipulate and control, and not to actually treat the other person as a human being. How is that Carnegie and Cabane both win high praises from the very people they could never countenance?
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