Caretaker's Guilt

I feel happy! I feel happy!

I suppose this should wait until next Monday, but I've been feeling it for at least a week and it deserves to be talked about. This coming Monday, the 17th, is the first anniversary of Dinah's being diagnosed with geriatric feline kidney failure. She was losing weight fast. "Aggressive" treatment consisted of a dose of gastrin management every night (it's amusing that both Dinah and I are both on omeprazole) and 100ml of water injected under her skin between the shoulder blades.

The veterinarian said that she'd probably last a month or two without it, or six to eight months with it. If we went "aggressive," he said, the end would come much, much quicker when it did since instead of a slow buildup of renal toxins over weeks, it would happen more or less within a few days when her kidneys finally did shut down. Omaha and made the decision to do the aggressive treatment-- we loved our old cat and, besides, what a great lesson for the kids, that you don't abandon someone just because their care has become onerous.

But it's been more than six to eight months. It's been a year. And I look at her and think to myself, "The doc said it would be a gentle, painless decline. You're not supposed to be getting better. You're not supposed to be putting on weight!" I immediately feel guilty for thinking that, and I understand that it's a common thing for caretakers to feel, the whole "I had this much time allocated to this part of you, and now you're taking more than your fair share" moment.

I do love the poor old fuzzball, even when she pees on my gym clothes, the laundry, goddess knows what else. I've become a master with the steam cleaner. And we have to work extra-hard to keep her litterbox clean because overcharging her kidneys means, well, you can guess what it means. So we soldier on. Enjoying her presence, even when she's so demanding about cuddles and hugs, taking care of her. And feeling a little guilty every time we grump over our responsibilities toward her.

Damn, and there were other reasons I liked Ford...

The "American Family Association" has announced that it's dropping it's boycott of Ford on the grounds that Ford has agreed to meet the AFA's demands, including:

• Ford will not renew or create purchase incentive plans in which the incentive includes a donation to a gay and lesbian organization
• Ford will not give cash, vehicles, or otherwise endorse gay and lesbian social events such as Pride parades
• Ford will no longer create ads specifically for gay and lesbian magazines and websites, nor will they create ad campaigns that target those media

Bummer.

Wingnut talkshow host Eric Hogue is upset because one thing Ford didn't do is end its domestic partnership program. Poor Eric Hogue, unable to wank because there's just not enough evil done.