Why, oh why, can't we have a better conservative punditocracy?

Today on NPR Glenn Beck was asked, "Do you see anyone in the conservative movement right now who represents the future of that movement?"

There’s really only one guy. I think the guy is a Winston Churchill. He blew his Senate campaign because he spoke the truth. His advisers kept saying, “Don’t say this, don’t say this, this is going to hurt you.”

And that’s Rick Santorum out of Pennsylvania.

Ohhh, my head hurt to hear that. Rick "man on dog" Santorum? Rick "frothy mixture" Santorum?

• Rick Santorum is not my kind of conservative: during the Terri Schaivo froufraw he sponsored legislation that would void all living wills, sticking his finger deep into a family's most painful and private moments, because his "right to life principles" said that no one, not you, not your family, not doctors, should ever have the right to pull the plug. That, he squeaked, would be murder.
• In order to pander to his religious majority, Santorum entered a bill that would protect physicians (and, some people argued, police officers and firefighters) who chose not to provide service to people on the grounds of religious objections.
• Santorum has famously repeated to his base, "We found the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Don't let the liberal media, the conservative media, or even the White House and the Pentagon tell you otherwise."
• Santorum is consistent in his call for government intrusion into people's bedrooms and has stated over and over that "There is no right to privacy to be found in the constitution." And yet Santorum called a media outlet's expose' of his mis-use of government funds for his kids' education "an invasion of his privacy."

Glenn Beck is frequently featured on Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" schtick for saying mindbogglingly stupid things from time to time. I'm sure this will be right up there. Rick Santorum is the second coming of Winston Churchill! Glenn, see a shrink, quick!

Other charmers from Glenn Beck:

• "If you're an ugly woman, you're probably a progressive."
• "Nancy Pelosi's game-playing in Congress will probably end up killing Americans."
• "To be consistent, Clinton ought to give Obama 5 percentage points for Affirmative Action."
• "John Edwards, why not just start wearing a soviet star and join the Worker's World Party?"
• "Allowing immigrants in from around the world and we're going to end up with a tangle of squabbling nationalities."
• On how Dennis Kucinich found his famously beautiful wife: "I'm wondering if it's some sort of, you know, date rape drug?"
• "I feel a little guilty for calling Rosie O'Donnel a fat witch. But she really is fat!"
• To Congressman Keith Ellison, the only Muslim in congress: "Sir, prove to me you are not working with our enemies."
• "The Middle East is being overrun by 10th-century barbarians. If they take over ... we're going to have to nuke the whole place.

And my favorite, to an attractive female guest discussing why teenagers with cell phones and cameras would take racy photos of themselves and each other: "Look, I've got a camera and some free time. Would you like to come over?"

Man's got class. I'm just sayin'.

Why, oh why, can't we have a better conservative movement?

Dignfied World Leaders!

As everyone now knows, there's a picture of Barack Obama circulating showing him wearing traditional Kenyan dress, and the right wing punditocracy is having a field day with it.

( Because as everyone knows, no conservative would ever engage in such bizarre activity. )

Menstruation is Murder!

Huckabee endorses personhood for fertilized eggs. Yeah, uh, good luck with that whole campaign thing, Huck.