I'm "Festive!" I'm "Fabulous!"

Apparently, because I've been known to use those words, I'm more than half queer:

You Are 63% Stereotypically Gay

You somewhat fit the gay stereotype, but not totally. If you aren't actually gay, there are at least a few people who assume you are. If you are gay, it's not much of a secret. Your mannerisms and phrases make it obvious.

How Stereotypically Gay Are You?
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Snide Comments!

In a review of Gentoo, writer "Pappy" at opednews.com writes, "As everyone knows who reads my stuff, I am nothing if not a rebel," followed by this gem: "While Gentoo remains perhaps the most difficult operating system I have ever installed on a computer, once it gets installed, it works quite nicely."

I'm sorry, when someone says that, I know they're not quite up to the snuff I expect of a Linux reviewer. Because Gentoo is not "difficult" to install. It takes a long time (most of it unattended), but the recipe for installing Gentoo is very straightforward, probably one of the best-documented of all Linux distros and better documented than Windows, and not "difficult."

"Difficult" is installing HURD. Or React. or Aros. "Difficult" is installing TransAmeritech Linux with the 0.96 kernel. Gentoo is not "difficult."

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And on the political side, Ed Brayton noted that Rudy Giuliani is becoming a parody of himself. When asked about his low showing in Iowa, Rudy said: "None of this worries me - Sept. 11, there were times I was worried." Ed said he was reminded of the Mr. Subliminal character from Saturday Night Live:

We didn't (9/11) pour our money (terrorists) into Iowa (September 11th), choosing instead (Muslims are going to kill you all if you don't elect me to protect you) to focus (Osama Bin Laden wants to rape your daughter) on the later primaries (did I mention 9/11?).

Well, Rudy did it again. Wednesday, when asked about Hillary's "crying" video, Rudy said:

The reality is, if you look at me, September 11 -- the funerals, the memorial services -- there were times in which it was impossible not to feel the emotion.

I have to watch A Daily Show to see what Jon Stewart does with this.

Symphony, With Gun, Redux

How close to The Matrix can you get before you start being accused of being a rip-off? If the trailer is anything to go by, Wanted, a new movie starring Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, and James McAvoy, is going to try and find out. It's a new entry in the John Woo "Symphony With a Gun" genre. (In fact, Morgan Freeman even says that in the trailer, apparently as a nod to Woo: "The gun you're holding belonged to your father. He could conduct a symphony orchestra with it.")

The plot is simple: McAvoy plays a nobody who discovers that his father was the "world's greatest assassin." He goes from being an incompetent schlub to receiving training from The Fraternity, a club of super-powered assassins who exist to be the hands of fate itself, and becomes embroiled in a battle between Good and Evil for the Fate of the World.

It looks to be very pretty, technically proficient, and basically an up-to-the-second Matrix repeat. I mean, Neo was nobody who discovered he was the "world's greatest matrix-walker", received training from Zion, and became embroiled in a battle between Good and Evil for the Fate of the World. Both feature Very Pretty People engaging in indescribable and impossible gun battles requiring more situational awareness than an entire battle troop of human beings, and ultimately the hero must discover something important About Himself to resolve the crisis.

"You're forty" is not a fucking diagnosis!

So I went to the doctor today. She tapped around and she said, "I think you were right the first time. You don't have any evidence of a hernia; there's no bulging, your belly sounds right when I tap on it, there are no unusual sounds. The muscle spasm and the symptoms after it are completely consistent with a bruised and inflamed lower esophageal sphincter."

Then she told me to take twice the daily recommended dose of Prilosec and said, "If that doesn't clear it up--" And then she shrugged. "You're forty. This just happens to some people about this age." She proceeded to list all of the things I could no longer eat if the condition didn't clear up: coffee, chocolate, alcohol, spicy foods. Yeah, may as well take away all the other pleasures in life too, while they're at it.

She was competent and all, but I don't like this shrug-the-shoulders attitude toward impending decrepitude one bit.

Meanwhile, I still have an acid feeling in my throat, my voice is hoarse from the damage it's doing, and I can't lay down and sleep comfortably with this going on.