Separated at Birth?

The other day, while at the supermarket, Yamaraashi-chan spotted a picture of Bo Derek from her new TV series, Fashion House, and she said, "Isn't that the guy from Labyrinth?"

You have to admit, the similarities are uncanny:

 

"I'm not writing."

Every time I say, "I'm not writing right now," I go on a writing tear. I'm a little stuck in terms of posting, but I think I'm working through that. Charlie Stross and Cory Doctorow posted a nifty little story recently entitled Appeals Court, and I realized that there was if not a market at least a niche: "near post-Singularity" stories. Since Charlie wrote his, I figured I should get cracking on mine: an insurance agent whose pulls the short straw at his company and is assigned to take the crappiest job they have: go to Redmond and reboot the entire polis there for the most ungrateful (Brad: "Ungrateful‽" Audience: "Superman!") population on the planet. One unit of Diaspora, one unit of Chairman Bill Leads The Happy Workers In Song, and one desperate but pale attempt to channel Scottish SF 2/3rds of the way 'round the planet.



"King?" Chris's brain goes numb. Oh, shit, data corruption, and industrial waste, that means Redmond. One of the great hell-holes of the Singularity. People compare what AOL did to its customers on the day of the Singularity to the Gates of Hell opening up and a demon horde swallowing those poor people's heads. What they don't understand is that what happened in King County that day should frighten them even more: people lined up to drink that kool-aid. They're still in there.

He's heard it's very colorful, for a monoculture.

"What are you worried about?" Bonnie says cheerfully. "You get to stay in the sous-sol jusqu'ici. I'm the one risking her immortal soul."

Padmanabhan nods. "They pay us good money for this job, Chris. They have for a decade. They're our best premium service customer."

"That's because they need it," Chris said. "Nobody else needs our services as much as they do. They're like the fuckin' Baptists in Heaven: they want to think they're the only ones up here. Remember North Korea? 'The rest of the world has it worse than we do!' That's Redmond. Okay, fine. Do we raise premium for these guys?"

"That depends on the crisis Bonnie finds. You must just get her there."

Chris picks up the PDA and signs his name on the line that reads, "Wind River Insurance and Reboot Services." He hands it to the robot clerk, who spins it into a slot, neatly slicing through both Bonnie and Padmanabhan's holograms in the process. "Let's go."

"You know what's really funny, Chris?" Bonnie says as the two of the walk down to the helipad where an Osprey and Bonnie's portable awaits Chris. "The OS the Redmond Polis runs was named Singularity."

"I thought those people didn't have a sense of humor."

"They don't."

More Mark Foley Madness

I know I should let this story go, but it's full of juicy scandal and silliness, and while it may have been a little traumatizing in the end everyone survived and will probably go on to lead successful and happy lives, except for Mark Foley.

Foley apparently frothed at the mouth over a nudist camp that invited the recently post-pubescent. He ranted about the fact that the camp had a category, COG, or "Creepy Old Guy," and had a mechanism for easily expelling counsellors who rose to that category. It must be absolute kismet that one of the people who share the lakefront with the camp is name "Elf Anderson."

Silly as it sounds, Newt Gingrich's excuse for the Republican House Leadership not stressing Foley too much? They were afraid of being accused of gay-bashing. Right. Load up the fully-automatic butt-monkeys, boys, because the people who brought us the Defense of Marriage Act are scared of being seen as "hard on homos."

But the truly sad aspect of the whole thing? Foley's instant messages are boring! Sad but true: the man couldn't actually write smut with any creativity. Nor could he spell. Okay, maybe it's a point of pride for me, but when I was young and stupid and hotchatted I still thought of my shift key and knew how to backspace when I'd misspelled something.