Freudian Confession from a Man Who's Here To Help You

Tony Snow, the President's Press Secretary and former FOX pundit, yesterday said this:

Well, as I pointed out -- I mentioned this yesterday, and for -- let me see if I can find my quote, because I pulled it out. Chuck Hagel, as you may recall, made a fair amount of news over the weekend when he first said that -- let's see -- "Well, I want to listen to the details and I want to listen to the President," said Senator Hagel -- he said this on "This Week" on a competing network. But I would say this: I think we have to be very careful here. That's not the role of our military, that's not the role of our National Guard."

[Emphasis mine]. Hmm. Comedian Charlie Pierce, the day his hiring was announced asked "Does that really qualify as leaving the Fox offices? Is he even changing desks?" It seems that we now have the answer: the White House is a division of FOX News. Its purpose is to drive eyeballs to FOX's website and TV stations.

I have a bumper sticker: Your Government Is Hard At Work Keeping You Amused. That has never seemed more true than today.

Why is it when I procrastinate, I go on a tear?

The past two weeks I was feeling a bit burned out, so I didn't write a whole lot. I finally decided to pick up the pen again yesterday morning and start writing, and much to my amusement, I seem to have suddenly gone into overdrive. In two days I've written 4,600 words (which admittedly is nothing like autopope's output, but then he gets to write full time while some of us hack code).

Unfortunately, it's 4,600 words in service to Decadence in December. Once upon a time, before I even wrote my first story for Usenet (back before there was this fancy shiny thing you kids have today called the Intarweb or whatever, and get off my lawn!), I was inspired to write by a story posted to alt.sex.stories, which was a Brady Bunch riff of the most absurd sort. I was mostly inspired to write because the grammar and spelling were so horrible they sent me out into the night to howl up at the cold uncaring stars. When I came back inside, I decided I could write better than that.

However, having never watched The Brady Bunch, I couldn't tell you if any of the pairings were particularly funny. I never did get why Marsha boinking the dog should be considered outrageous. But if you've never read the series I'm riffing on, you'll never understand why it's funny that Jack & Annie should be romping together in a place where

There was no horizon. There was something that looked like a horizon, a dividing line where the land seemed to end, but in this place it didn't meet with a curving sky. Instead, the horizon, the land, the whole world suddenly seemed to vault into the air and wrap itself around the sun.

Yes, I'm really that silly today.

Why are there no guys in the Mary Sue Alphabet?