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[personal profile] elfs
I have no particular fear of becoming an alcoholic. My drug of choice is still caffeine (although I understand better alternatives are avaialble), but I do like to have one glass of wine while I'm cooking dinner. Sometimes, especially when I have an empty stomach, I get a little light-headed. This makes me somewhat self-conscious.

How do the intensely self-aware ever become alcoholics?

Because I am intensely self-aware when I've stared to get silly. I become even more self-monitoring, more self-concerning. I create a "in advance notice" narrative in my head of how I should behave, how I am behaving, and turn my self-behavior monitors up to no-really-full. This causes me to dial back and let the rest of the glass wait untill the light-headed sensation and silliness has passed. (For one thing, I'm cooking. You know, knife skills. Pots of boiling water. Sizzling cast-iron pans. Actual loss of fine motor skills would be bad.) I'd make a bad alcoholic-- more than once I've found that one glass of the day on my end-table the next morning still half-full.

I'm just trying to figure out how writers, who usually have some inner life to call their own otherwise they'd never have one to give to their characters, how those people develop into alcoholics. I mean, wouldn't it just kill your ability? How the Hell did Hemingway, or Chandler, or Faulkner, to point to three famously alcoholic writers who had much more than just one book inside, function at all? I can't write when I'm even a little tipsy-- the abilities just aren't there.

Maybe I just don't find downers all that attractive. It's probably a good thing I don't have access to the good ol' drugs like Benzedrine.

Yes, I listen to the Spice Girls. Still. Just like I am a Brony. Deal.
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Elf Sternberg

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