Parental disappointment runs deep

[elfs]

You know those classic NPR "parent" moments when the sporty parents discover their son is a bookworm, or the two PhD's in social sciences and English literature discover their daughter is a soccer-loving jock, and they turn to each other and wonder how such a strange creature could ever have come from their loins?

I had that moment yesterday. The family was at some large sundry store, and while Omaha ran through the check-out, Yamaraashi-chan picked up People magazine and not only read the entire thing cover-to-cover in five minutes, but knew every detail about everyone in there, and could recite with breathless devotion the comings and goings of the guy who plays the lead vampire in Twilight and some other actress.

I'm so disappointed.

I hope she gets over it.

Comments

[anthologie.livejournal.com]

What -- you never went through an "obsessed with famous people" phase? :)

[trinsf.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Mine just morphed into a hipster baby dyke overnight. I almost miss the pop culture phase. (Not that I have a problem with hipster baby dykes, but they don't normally give me the time of day...)

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Oh, Elf. I'm so sorry.

Sounds like a month in wilderness camp might do her some good? :)

[sirfox.livejournal.com]

Take the long view. She'll probably end up with one kid who's a complete geek and couldn't give a toss about popular culture, and can't relate to her in any way, and you'll have someone to spoil rotten.

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

OTOH her reading comprehension is pretty good.

[urox.livejournal.com]

When I was her age, I read teeny bopper magazines as well. I was still a nerd, though, and that was what stayed with me after puberty, not teeny bopper stuff.

There's hope.

[shemayazi.livejournal.com]

Having read the same magazine cover to cover yesterday (while stuck at the doc's office) I have to admit to enjoying the guilty pleasure that comes with watching the happenings of the peoples over on that Hollywood planet. Not exactly mind-rewarding, but then neither are romance novels, and more than a few of us read those from time to time. It could be fashion magazines...

[bldrnrpdx.livejournal.com]

...or those trashy science fiction stories (ducking)

[codeamazon.livejournal.com]

Sounds age-appropriate to me. I don't think it means any more than the pink and barbies at 4-6.

That said -- my son is playing Football, and despite protests I think he secretly loves it. *BOGGLE*

[trinsf.livejournal.com]

So, I've thought about this some, and I wanted to tell you a story. My daughter is the sort of kid you'd probably enjoy being around. She's socially aware, queer/queer-friendly, TG-friendly, artistic, thoughtful, geeky, learning Japanese, all that. She tells me about yaoi plotlines. She just spent the past two days helping mentor incoming freshmen at her school, giving them lots of hugs. She's hella cool.

But a long time ago now, she lived with my ex-husband and his girlfriend. They're geeky and queerfriendly and all that stuff, too, but his girlfriend in particular didn't care for pop culture things, and sometimes ridiculed my daughter about her interest in those things. I think most of the time it wasn't even blatant; this ridicule took the form of eye-rolling, sighing, smirking, and occasionally snarky comments about this or that interest.

If I put the best spin on it, I think that maybe my ex and his girlfriend were, like you and me, anxious that my daughter not become the sort of tween/teen we didn't like at that age, or the sort of adult we may not feel much affinity for now. But what they did, honestly, was just hurtful. My daughter noticed even the very passive stuff, and the message she got from it was that it wasn't okay to be different *from them*. That's not a good message, because at the time in their lives when children are growing up and learning how to be independent people, how to exist in their own bodies and minds, they need reassurance that it's okay to *be* of their own minds, from the people whose opinions carry a lot of weight: their parents.

It took a long time for my daughter to get over that part of her life when she was being made to feel bad for not being geeky enough. She's only recently become less vocally bitter about it. (I think the Buddhism has something to do with that, honestly.) So, I guess what I'm saying is, let it be. Let your daughter flit from interest to interest, let her be different, let her have obsessions you find diststeful or shallow. Just have faith that she's going to be okay, even if she knows all about Twilight.

[trinsf.livejournal.com]

(BTW, I realize your mood for this post was "amused" and you're probably no more devastated than I am that my daughter has turned into a hipster baby dyke. OTOH, my ex and his GF were being lighthearted (mostly) when they expressed their disappointment, too. I know you're a wonderful parent, but I think it's useful to say things things, because maybe other people are thinking about them.)