I'm really just looking for ways to waste my time, aren't I?

[elfs]

Yes, that's Cortana's ass

Sweet! After a little experimentation, Halo runs great on Linux! The only headache is that the mouse is way, way too sensitive, but a mouse-tuning front-end fixed that. Also, the game slows down a lot when drawing big scenes, so maybe turning off some of the special effects would be a good idea. Still, the resolution is far better than my old desktop, which makes me very happy.