At Starbucks, the man behind the curtain is gnarled and cheap

[elfs]

Corporatized Cafe Artist In A Box

The cafe blackboard artist is one of those things that exists in the popular imagination as a kind of icon: the barista or cafe owner who, every so often, takes out his colored chalks and draws a wonderful illustration on the blackboard where he also describes his common wares and daily specials.

Sadly, I found yesterday that Starbucks, which has routinized coffee, has also given us pasteurized processed cafe-artist product. The seemingly hand-drawn chalkboard illustrations found at your corner Starbucks are paint-by-numbers stencils with guidelines that make it absolutely impossible to create anything other than the official pictures that the corporate office approved.

I really shouldn't be nonplused about this. This is the company at which the return of the original CEO, Howard Schultz, was heralded with much fanfare. Schultz gave a speech where he complained that Starbucks had lost its soul. The tight, flavor-preserving vacuum packaging robbed the cafe of its roast coffee smell. Robobarista machines that made it impossible to make a bad cup of coffee also made it impossible for any cup to be distinctive and interesting. Starbucks sells caffeine in a beige room full of comforting music.

Howard Schultz's innovation to "restore Starbuck's soul?" Instant coffee. Like the Instant Artist, it's just not real enough.