I bring you.... The Future!

[elfs]

2010: Steve Jobs unveiled the first subcutaneous bluetooth implant for the iPhone. The device, looking like two stacked half-dollar coins with a rounded top, is to be implanted under the skin against the mastoid bone and can be recharged by a transcutaneous magnetic recharger in only twenty minutes.

2011: Apple defended itself against the charge that the battery on the iPhone implant fails too quickly and needs to be replaced more often than indicated in their marketing materials.

2012: Apple unveils iGlasses, stylish wrap-around glasses that decorate your world with the labels and signs you need to navigate it effectively. Apple also unveils iFeel, a collection of locality implants for the fingertips. "With iGlasses, iFeel, and your iPhone, the world becomes a different place, more vibrant, more colorful. Art you never knew existed and could not know existed becomes not merely visible, but touchable."

2013: Microsoft's competing product, the Zision "Vision Enhancement Product," includes innovative products that, combined with their recent purchase of Epoc Corp. (developer of the first effective brain-to-storage transcutaneous imaging system), allows them to "squirt" images and sounds from within their own imaginations to anyone within 10 meters wearing a Zision.

2014: Microsoft defends itself against the most massive class-action lawsuit in history, as millions of women who bought the Zision sue Microsoft for "insufficient safeguards that subjected them to wide and pervasive sexual harassament." A spokeswoman for the law firm of Schwartz & O'Hare said, "Not since the closing of the last harem has a national and trusted institution such as Microsoft forced such hostile and constant sexual harassment on women. We always knew that some men were pigs who undressed us with their eyes and imagined us in degrading positions, but it took incompetence at Microsoft to reveal how pervasive, explicit, and disgusting men can be."

2015: Apple reveals iThink, a competitor to the Zision's mind-recording capabilities that includes parental-control safeguards, content awareness, and buddy lists.

2016: Apple and Blizzard defend themselves against the charge that the iSuite of audio and tactile implants, video overlays, entertainment and communication nexus tools is too effective. The charge is lead by the family of Lawrence J. Ruser, a World of Warcraft addict who used the iSuite as a gaming nexus, and who so neglected his well-being that he eventually died of malnutrition.

Comments

[areitu.livejournal.com]

2016 seems to happen now and then, usually in an Asian internet cafe, except it's usually a heart attack or something related to exhaustion or a psychological problem.

[codeamazon.livejournal.com]

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/10/13/thought-helmet.html

Crossed my google-news-thread not long ago.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

WoW whore has 36 accounts, runs raids by himself (http://www.ripten.com/2008/10/10/wow-whore-has-36-accounts-raids-by-himself/)

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

A spokeswoman for the law firm of Schwartz & O'Hare said, "Not since the closing of the last harem has a national and trusted institution such as Microsoft forced such hostile and constant sexual harassment on women. We always knew that some men were pigs who undressed us with their eyes and imagined us in degrading positions, but it took incompetence at Microsoft to reveal how pervasive, explicit, and disgusting men can be."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhem.